See what I mean? I didn't even want to get started on all this bilge but I couldn't help it.
No politics. No politics. What then to talk about? Oh, how about my home improvement trevails? See, this was my "catch up on all the stuff I've procrastinated" weekend of doom. It went like this:
Project #1: Wife complains that light in laundry room is not working. "So what? I never even go in that room" I start to tell my wife, but then manage to stifle myself. Saying that would be the kind of thing that'll earn a guy a grievous wife-inflicted injury. Plus, I was getting tired of wearing "recycled" clothes... Start with the obvious. Burned out bulb? Replaced the "you can pry the incandescent lamp from my cold, dead hands" light bulb. Nada. Still darker than the ace of clubs up a coal miner's rectum at midnight. Tripped breaker? All breakers functioning within normal operating parameters. Hmmm... Figure out how to hold multimeter, probe the center and outer contacts, and flip the light switch on, all at the same time without getting a faceful of sparks? Got juice (and no sparks! phew!). Hmmm some more... Take the socket's smooshed-down center contact and bend it so it'll actually TOUCH the contact on the crappy made-in-China lightbulb? WINNER! Let there be light!
One project down, two to go. So far no blood, smoke or cussing...
Project #2: Figure out why the vacuum stinks of burnt rubber and is barfing dust all over the room. First of all, I want to know who decided that all modern vacs have to be bagless. Oh, duh. I know. The same despicable individual that wants to make me buy an $8 filter instead of an 89 cent vac bag. Curse him! Take vac apart, remove several cubic kilometers of dog hair from hoses, ducting, filter, and every other nook and cranny in the darned thing? Dust barfing continues unabated. Belt? Belt is OK. Dig some more, learn that there is a secondary filter that is so confunkulated that no air will go through it. Dust-laden air is forced AROUND this filter for it is so full it is basically airtight. Replace filter. WINNER!
Two projects down, one to go. So far no blood, smoke, and only mild mutterings...
Project #3: Replace the broken kitchen sink faucet. The base of this thing broke a couple weeks ago. It still worked fine, it just wobbled a lot. I went through this same process about two years ago. I s'pose that's what I get for buying the cheapest Home Depot piece o' junk faucet last time. Turn the little twisty valve to shut off the cold water. Likewise for the hot water. Double check that both valves are all the way off. Disconnect the little brass nuts that hook the flex hoses to the the faucet. Remove the little wingnuts that hold the faucet to the sink. Gee, this seems easier than last time. Maybe I just have WAY TOO MUCH practice at it or something.
This is where I go
Dang, the hot-side flex line doesn't want to come out of its fitting. Yank. Yank. YANK. Keep in mind, I'm chest-deep in the cupboard area under the sink. Flex line come free. GEYSER! Hey, I shut the valve off, this shouldn't be happening! 2.5 year old grandson is watching. "Gramma! Gramma! Uh-oh! Grampa bwoke it!" So I try to block the stream with my thumb. Now getting a shower instead of a bath. Thankfully the water heater is at the far other end of the house, so this water is still pretty much cold. Speaking of that water heater, did I mention that I HATE running out of hot water? To fight this, a while back I popped the access cover off the water heater and turned the thermostat on that puppy up to "magma." Anyway, back under the sink I'm still getting soaked and the water is starting to warm up quickly. I try to stuff the flex line back in its fitting but it just laughs in my wet face at that idea. Now the water is officially scalding and I...
Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. James 5:16 NKJV
...I dropped an f-bomb. Maybe more than one. I haven't done that in a long time. So I'm just letting y'all know that sometimes I ain't so saintly. Especially when I'm getting hosed with wickedly hot water.
My wife comes running out and I was about to tell her that she had to run outside and shut the whole house off. Then I remember that we're in a duplex with separate water meters, so there'd be a 50/50 (read: "100%") chance that she'd shut off the wrong one and I'd be boiled way past al dente by the time it was off. So I had to give up on blocking the flow and run across the house and shut off the hot water at the water heater. Which is what I should have done to start with, but whodathunk that the valve under the sink would suck so much?
On the bright side, putting in the new faucet went smoothly after that. And the lake in the kitchen cleaned up fairly easily.
Three projects down, none to go. No blood or smoke. Just some minor scalding and a lot of bad words. And maybe I should just stick to making fun of liberals.