National Security Council meeting.
[Obama] "Guys, we need some solid intel on Egypt. Nobody seems to know what is going on and it is embarrassing. Mubarak comes out last night and says he's sticking around, which is the polar opposite of what we've been saying. What are the conditions on the ground over there?"
[CIA Chief Panetta, pointing at flatscreen] "That TV over there get CNN?"
[Obama] "Clapper! Then you come out saying that the Muslim Brotherhood is peaceful and mostly secular. How could you say such a thing?"
[Nat'l Sec Advisor Clapper] "Back when I was in college, I had a muslim roommate who was in the MB. He was really cool. One time I gave him a pork rind and he didn't even get mad enough to kill me. All he did was light me Reeboks on fire. He had a great sense of humor."
[Obama] "Well! When I was a kid in Indonesia, the MB kids used to pull my ears. One time they made me sit on an anthill. And if I was late to prayer they'd hit me in the face with the chalkboard eraser. I don't like them." [pause] "It is apparent that you guys are useless." [presses button on intercom] "Get Biden in here. He's the one with all the foreign policy know-how."
[intercom voice] "As soon as we get him untangled from the swingset, we'll send him right up."
[Obama] "Thank you."
Several minutes go by...
[Biden enters, singing] "Barack like an Egyptian"
[Obama] "Please, Joe!"
[Biden] "OK. Maybe you'll like this one better. 'Born in ol' Nairobuh, moved to Illinois-uh, King"
[Obama, interrupting] "Knock it off!"
[Biden] "OK. I couldn't think of anything that rhymes with 'Tut' anyway. I was pretty much stuck right there."
[Obama] "So you go on TV the other day and say that Mubarak isn't really a dictator. Explain."
[Biden] "He's a notch or two below dictator. Maybe more like a 'putztator' or something like that. He isn't so bad. Not like Saddam or Sarah Palin or people like that."
[Obama] "In you foreign-policy-expert opinion, what should we do?"
[Biden reaches for remote, turns TV to CNN]
[CNN talking head] "This just in. President Hosni Mubarak has resigned his office. The streets of Cairo are full of rejoicing!"
[Biden] "Dang. Didn't see that coming at all."
[Panetta, Clapper] "Neither did we."
[Obama] "So now what?"
[Biden, Panetta, Clapper] "Dunno. Who's up for some beerpong?"
[Obama, laughing] "Number 1, make it so!"