Friday, May 20, 2011

Blogger's Block: CURED!

Can't think of anything to blog about?  I HAVE DEVELOPED THE CURE!  Never again will I be too busy/harried/tired/lazy/indifferent to come up with an idea, and if you follow my easy 2-step program, neither will you!

Step 1:  Look at the first comment in your previous post.  Use their comment as a starting point for your next post.  Voila!  Instant content!  See how easy this is?  However, if your blog is brand new and you're already writer's-blocked on your first post with no previous post to refer to, then you stink.  Do not try to access the previous post.  You'll get a division by zero error and the internet will crash.

Step 2:  This is the most important step.  **DO NOT LET MANHATTAN INFIDEL BE FIRSTIES ON ANY OF YOUR POSTS** Just trust me on this. 

So, let's see how this works!
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Yesterday, Bob, who (not surprisingly) blogs at Bob's Blog wrote:
Finally, an historian who accurately writes about history!
Quality comment.  Complimentary of the blog author.  Also has some sarcasm directed at the pointy-headed types.  A lot to like there.

But.

Bob used the indefinite article "an" instead of "a" which suggests he elides the "h" at the beginning of words.  Like some bloody east-end limey.  " 'ave a look at that, mate!  That bloke done bumped is 'ead on a crumpet! " I was pretty sure Bob isn't a bloody east-end limey, but now my suspicions are roused.  If any of you are bloody east-end limeys, remember that you are reading a Patriotic American's blog and we don't put up with that kind of junk around here.  And what's up with "theatre"?  When rednecks like me read that, we always mispronounce it as "thee a tree" and end up looking dumb, so knock it off.  When some lispy Barney Frank type says it, it ends up sounding like his lispy version of "see a tree" as in "wook over dere! I think I thee a tree wiff a wittle birdie netht in it!"  I'm sure we're all in agreement on this is something we all want to avoid, so use proper American English instead of that loopy English English, OK?
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See how great this works?  Just follow these two easy steps and you, too, will have an endless supply of top-notch content! You'll have readers fighting for the opportunity to read your blog!

10 comments:

  1. I feel so honored to be able to comment here...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Now I know what to blog about next~Thanks for the help :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Tried dat two step deal once and stomped on sum gal's foot. Den I got the low down that iffen I didn't complete that 12 step program I'd be dancing with myself from now on out.

    Well about step 3 I figgered dat gal wasn't worth the effort, so I tipped my glass to her and took up clogging.

    Man some of thoos steps yah gotta do makes a man's legs ache sumtin fierce, so I did the tip the glass thang and moved on to Tango.

    Dat didn't last but a few steps since the only gal that would partner up wit me outweighted me in a big way and when she flopped over expecting me to be a support system I just stepped outta the way, cuz me back ain't all that sound. Tipped mah glass agin and lit a shuck outta there.

    Wull now I knew that I was outta steps 'bout now and deduced my last opshun for social interaction wuz bloggin'. My first step iz I tip duh glass and let er rip from there, fellas gotta stay wit wut they is good at.

    Wull it ain't all that socially gratwoitus but I betcha cain't find one word that starts with an H!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I only blog about comments I leave on other people's blogs.

    Then again, I've never been one to be at a loss for words.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Reminds me of that time I decided to live in my car for a week, just to see what it is like. I'm not sure why, but it does.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Inno, this is pretty ingenious. So, your next post will be about what an honor it is to comment here at your joint.

    I like it.

    So, what if your first comment is spam to porn sites, or Russian escorts?

    I like it.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Dammit. I was hoping to be the first to comment on this. I was going to write something about Double Downs and Wham!

    ReplyDelete

Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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