Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Terrorist Art Rehab Project

By now, you've no doubt read of the interesting circumstances that surround the attempt to blow up Flight 253.  The underwear bomb.  The secretive videotaper.  The masterminds being released from Gitmo in 2007, who then went through an arts-n-crafts "rehab" facility in Saudi Arabia.

It all sounds so ridiculous.  The most imaginative acid-droppin' screenplay author would struggle to come up with such a whacked-out plot line.  I, myself,  found it utterly unfathomable.  So I gathered a team of investigators to travel with me to Saudi Arabia to find out the real truth.  (This also explains the lack of posts lately: I've been in Saudi Arabia finding out the real truth)

Sadly, the story presented by the media is dead-on accurate.  I even found the rehab facility where these creeps were "cured."  The administrator was kind enough to show us their "final exam" which proved that they were indeed ready to re-enter society.  It is a chilling 5-page document, composed in crayon....












Thankfully, the high-tech security procedures put in place by Janet Napolitano were effective.  The system worked, and the diabolical plot was foiled by a lack of red crayon.  Let us pause and give thanks that our security is in such able hands.

13 comments:

  1. I think the program is a resounding successssss. Also, the idea sounds like the plot device from "Demolition Man" in which Sly Stallone, having been one of the most violent (read; effective) lawmen of the 20th Century is "re-educated" in cryo-sleep to be a knitter. He unwittingly finds himself balling up yarn when under stress.

    If we could just put the terrrrrorrrrisstsss in cryo-sleep for a couple of hundred years, our grandchildren's grandchildren could inherit the problem. Situation solved!

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  2. Great undercover work sir! Yes, this program will clearly be a success! The question is...for whom??

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  3. This reminds me of a trip to mexico I once went on, but the less said about those splodey pants the better.

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  4. I see you have spared no expense to cover this story. I didn't realize the Chik-Fil-A cows were in charge of the art rehab project!

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  5. "If we could just put the terrrrrorrrrisstsss in cryo-sleep for a couple of hundred years, our grandchildren's grandchildren could inherit the problem. Situation solved!"


    So it's just like the solution for the US Debt-Spend now, let our grandkids figure it out.

    Awesome.

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  6. The system and the crayons worked magnificently! I think I just sploded in my Joe Boxers reading this post and reviewing your state of the art artwork!!! Praise Allah and pass the aloe vera enhanced burnt ball cream!

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  7. What do you say to the 72 virgins when your manhood is all sploded up?

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  8. aA - I think Napolitano is the one balling up yarn

    Matt - success for companies that make scanning gear. And success for the espresso stand in the airport 'cuz people will be doing a lot more waiting.

    JBomb - Now thaaattt's a spicy burrito!

    Velcro - you have insulted the faithful mooselimb's artistic skills. Prepare to die!

    Kurt - glad to be of service

    Shamus - Our education system is failing so I have doubts as to whether our grandkids can solve the problem. But, ah, what the heck? We're not going to have to live through it, so let's party!

    JihadGene - I'll try to have a better response after I stop laughing!

    Odie - One would think that right there would be enough to dissuade undiebombers. Let us hope so.

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  9. 10 out of 10 for Achmed the Cameraman. Excellent!

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  10. Mega, I found you a while back from your comments at Hot Air. I didn't see a way to leave a comment there, though so I can't tell you how funny you are.

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Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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