Monday, December 7, 2009

San Fran under water?

You may have seen Gov Schwarzenegger's announcement that globull warming would lead to increases in sea level which would leave San Francisco under water.  OK, I'm going to need some convincing that this is somehow a bad thing.  The Giants are my fave MLB team, so I'd prefer that 'frisco be swamped while my Giants are out on a road trip.  But otherwise, is there really a downside?

Actually SF is a very scenic city.  If it weren't for all the moonbats, hippies, homeless, militant homos and assorted Pelosis, it would be quite nice.  So, what if we decide that we want SF back once all the hippies and moonbats have been washed to sea?  (Probably the first time they've washed in a long while, but I digress...)  'Cuz that's good real estate once you give it the colonic it so desperately needs.  The answer is so simple, so straightforward, so, so trivial, even.

Yes, I'm talking about our long-lost friend, Nuclear Winter.  We haven't heard much about nuclear winter lately.  When I was a teenager the slobbering leftards were wetting themselves over Global Thermonuclear War (shall.we.play.a.game?) instead of Global Warming.  They were convinced that President Reagan would go cowboy and light up the Evil Empire.  "No Nukes!  Even if we live through the weapons exchange, we'll all end up freeeeeeeeeezing to death.  Reagan wants us all to die!"  Go to the used record store and look up the lyrics from any of those femmy, nasally, wave-o band from the '80s.  They were all sniveling about getting nuked and/or freezing.  It was everywhere.  Waaaaah.  Then suddenly the whole issue pretty much went away.  Kinda like Iraq - outrageous outrage to mute silence as though some invisible switch had been flipped. Now I just savor the irony of how their first whiny global hysteria will be the solution for their second.

Ya see, once we're confident that the waves of saltwater have washed all the patchouli smell and sidewalk vomit away and it is time to take our city back, just pull the trigger!  By my calculations, if we lob a few megatons at Damascus, Tripoli and Tehran, the resulting debris field will reduce the global mean temperature to pre-industrial levels, bringing the sea level down with it.  If we decide that SF should have a little more beachline, then all we have to do is pop Pyongyang, too.  See, the possibilities are almost endless!

14 comments:

  1. It snowed in Sacramento this morning. I myself am up to 2 1/2 feet of global warming and it's still snowing. This is one of the coldest storms I can remember.

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  2. Wow, man! I thought you were by Bakersfield but you must actually be up in the Sierras to have 2.5' of it.

    We're freezing up here! The forecast for tomorrow night has been revised down from 15 degress to 11! Gaah! No snow, though. Just cold 'n clear.

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  3. I'm up for a swim, especially if I have to dodge hippie corpses

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  4. I endorse this plan wholeheartedly. I do recommend that we leave San Fran submerged for a month or two, it needs a thorough soaking.

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  5. salt water is a disinfectant right? sounds good to me. unless woody is near there. i don't know my cali geography.

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  6. Evil, funny genius.

    Houston got back up to the 60s today. Our cold snaps don't last too long.

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  7. Matthew, I think that would make a good video game idea

    Matt, I think you're right. Two months of high and low tides should rinse out most of the ick

    labcat, I gotta ask... woody?

    aA, glad you're warm but I don't wanna hear it! They keep revising the forecasts lower and lower. They're talking about 10 freakin' tomorrow night! Unless you have extra room in your house. Heck, extra room in your garage. Your back porch is going to be warmer than my living room!

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  8. I'm with Matt ... SF needs a thorough cleaning. Let the waters flow, preferably to a Dead Kennedys tune.

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  9. San Fran underwater would be an improvement.

    These effete, chardonnay sipping elitists need a taste of Bangladesh to slap them back into reality...

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  10. Auntie owns an apartment building on top of Russian Hill.

    All we need is a pier.
    .

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  11. After my morning Big Gulp of coffee, I'm a pier, I mean peer, sorry pee-er extraordinaire. Sounds like we're ready to put this plan into action.

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  12. Inn, that is the type of outside-the-box thinking that I've come to respect.

    Awesome.

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  13. I love this plan! That was too funny...lst time they have had a bath in ages..hee hee. I've never been to SF, once it gets "cleansed" I just might want to visit.

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  14. I must echo your sentiments- I have a VERY hard time seeing anything wrong with sinking BOTH coasts, not just Cali....

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Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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