[dramatic musical notes to create emotional tension until topic is revealed: dun dun dunnnn]
Geez. Crawled outta bed at oh-four-hundred this morning and stepped out the front door to head to AM grunt job... Encountered SNOW. Everywhere. The neighborhood looked like some wintertime Thomas Kincade painting. Except, hello?, it's bleeping March. It's not even early March. We've already passed most of March's milestones: the Ides**, St. Patrick's Day, barry's NCAA bracket gettin' blowed up by some minor-conference overachiever, and even the stinkin' equinox! It's pretty much LATE March now.
There was about 3/4" when I left the house. As I write this this afternoon, it has literally been snowing non-stop since before 4:00am. The accumulation topped out at about 2" before it warmed slightly, so the new snow is falling at about the replacement rate of the melting snow. Which means the whole town is now a big sloppy Slurpee. I'm sure the mountains that surround our valley are getting hammered. Depending on which weather forecaster is flappin' lip at any given moment, we're supposed to get from 2 to 5 more inches this evening and another 1 to 3 tomorrow.
Alright, this is just stupid. We rarely get meaningful amounts of snow even in the depths of winter. Never in March. So far this year we haven't hit 70o at all. Only three days in the freekin' 60s! Enough! Tell ya what's gonna happen: I'm gonna stroll right into the #occupy camp and find the tent where that lazy punk Global Warming hangs out. I'm gonna haul him out of his tent, punch him in the spleen, and say "Listen to me, Global Warming, you disgusting emo skinny-jean layabout lump of fail! Get out there and get to work, or I'll get Glee! cancelled!"
Notice, that I'm only gonna spleen-punch him once. To do so twice might make him too exuberant. That would be bad. Like, f-word bad. Because around here, unseasonable snow is usually followed by warm rain, which leads to the f-word. Flood. I ain't ready to play that game again.
Wanna know what else ticks me off? (Actually I'm sure you don't, but I'm going all-in on the venting today.)
Morons who think they're smarter than Mother Nature. The highway between here in Corvallis and the Oregon coast is a twisty and nasty. Scenic, too, but I digress. ODOT has spent the last dozen or so years widening the road and straightening the curves. But there worst part, around Eddyville, has remained unimproved. The land around there is very unstable. It gets around 100" of rain per year. There are frequent mudslides and the occasional boulder rolling onto the roadway. So what genius plan did the ODOT braintrust come up with? "Hey, let's build a whopping bridge, many miles long, over the whole mess! Let's make parts of it over 200' high! And let's also leave it up to the contractor to figure out how to stabilize the mud under the footings. Mud that never sits still and is certain to totally spazz out during an earthquake! It'll be the biggest contract we've ever awarded! Yay for smart people!"
So the contractors started working and then noticed all the concrete they'd poured was moving around. So they told ODOT they need more dough to do more stabilizing. ODOT gave 'em more cash. Literally millions of yards of dirt have been rearranged, but the whole thing is still jello. There are magnificent concrete columns rising 200' feet in the air, but they move about 3/4" annually. May not sound like much, but concrete doesn't have a lot of "give." It is either stable or it is a pile of rubble. So there is no bridge atop the columns. Contractor said they need a LOT more scratch if they're gonna make it work. ODOT said no. So contractor said, "later, dudes!" Now everybody's lawyered up and givin' each other the stink eye. And a trip to the coast involves driving past at a bunch of really expensive giant concrete columns sticking out of the middle of nothing. They look like huge middle fingers to me.
History shows again and again how nature points out the folly of man...
** that post from 3 years ago seemed to me like a pretty funny one. But my meager readership was even more meager back then. Dunno if a single person read it the first time.