Thursday, April 14, 2011

Not enough hours in the day

Ever wish each day was, oh, about 30 hours long?  'Cuz there are just way too many things going on that merit a good angry rant, but not enough time.  An extra six hours would be perfect:  3 more hours of sleep and 3 extra hours to scream at the world.  It would make me feel sooooo much better...

The other day a car parked next to mine had a dead battery.  The morons left the parking light on for a couple hours and pffft.  First of all, what kind of gutless turd are you driving if it is dead after only a couple hours of parking lights?  And second of all, how dare you ask me for a jump when your carload of morons is covered neck-to-toe in OREGON DUCK sweats?  I was REALLY tempted to cross the jumpers and blow the diodes out of their alternator but they did enough bowing like Obama groveling that I was nice and got their car started.  Plus, my car is also a gutless turd and I probably would have blown my own diodes.  (Insert crass, off-color joke here)

Then I'm inside and ready for a snack.  The little pastry thingies looked like they'd taste better warmed up, so I gave 'em a few seconds of nuke treatment.  Bite, yumm.  'Nother bite, yumm.  Another bite.  OWWCH!  One little bit of it was hotter than fuc Fukushima Reactor #2 in July.  Burned my tongue and everything.  Makes me wish for the good 'ol days when ya had to actually put something in the oven and wait half an hour for it to get warm.  That way, it was all burned beyond recognition (like a strawman in an Obama speech) and ya KNEW it was going to burn your tongue so it wasn't such a brutal surprise.

Then the wife gets an infection in her left big toe.  It went several days without getting any better so we went to the doc yesterday.  They had to remove the toenail to get all the yuck out.  The pain is making her miserable so if you're the praying type** and can spare a sec to pray for a quick healing, I'd appreciate it.

Then John Bo(eh)ner comes out with this budget agreement that cuts $38 billion or maybe $15 billion, or maybe $350 million or so, or maybe even costs us a couple extra bill - all depending on who ya ask.  I thought elections were supposed to have consequences.  I guess...

OK, I'm all ranted out.  Time for a nap. 

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** Only if you're a Christian or a Jew.  If you are neither, I'd rather your false little-g god didn't get involved.

19 comments:

  1. Yikes. Sorry about the toenail. That even SOUNDS painful.

    As for Boehner's alleged budget cuts, don't worry. I hear that the actual cuts will be a whopping $522.76.

    God bless America.

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  2. You guys get hurt and maimed a lot, don't ya?

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  3. "I probably would have blown my own diodes"

    There's a phrase you only say/write once in your lifetime. Not enough hours in the day eh? Not enough 'pay' in my 'check'. Now that's a problem.

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  4. Infidel - Cool. I have that much in empty pop cans I need to bring back for the deposit.

    Odie - You've sure been crabby lately! :)

    Matt - I don't think we get dinged up more than average. I'm just dumb enough to write about about it.

    Red - That pay/check thing seems to be contagious.

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  5. You may need those "diodes" someday, good choice. Cheer up, your cut of Boehner's cuts is only $1,150.00....
    You can pay up now.

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  6. one of my favorite quotes that the hubby says..."it must have been the homotrons going around blowing fuses." hope the wife feels better soon.

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  7. Dude, that sucks! I mean, about somebody being a Ducks fan...

    I know extremely well how you feel about not having enough time. But, I went through a period where I had WAY TOO MUCH TIME on my hands.

    It was a very unhealthy time in my life, and I wouldn't swap back for anything.

    Just offered up a prayer for your wife. Let me warn you that the last three people I prayed for died.

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  8. Dang, this is the first time in my life I've been on the receiving end of religious persecution. So, OK, Inno... NO mention of you in today's chanting and NO extra incense stick on the altar. Serves you right.

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  9. Randy - As long as the TSA screener dude doesn't mess with my diodes.

    cathysue - Heh. "Homotron" sound like the bad guy in the next Transformers movie

    Six - Thank you.

    Andy - Thanks. We all die anyway eventually, so I think you'll continue to bat a thousand in that regard.

    Buck - I'm getting a funny mental image of you in some neo-pagan ritual - with an expensive dark beer in one hand, a cigar in the incense burner, and a Phoenix Coyote being sacrificed on an altar.

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  10. Sorry about the toe...It's amazing that a tiny little piece of us can be as painful as a toe.

    As for the budget cuts, we won;t know for another year or two..it takes them six to eight months past the budget deadline to reach an agreement.

    Morons..

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  11. Great, so now I'm praying for toes too? Fine. By the way, you shouldn't just accept prayers from Jieuxs or Christians. That voodoo stuff works pretty good too. My back feels great now and that stupid cashier who shortchanged me is now walking the earth in a nightmarish state halfway between life and death.

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  12. Inno, I'm terribly sorry to read of your wife's toe issue. On the other hand, you have only yourselves to blame. You could have got in tight with Dick Morris years ago, when he had that toe-sucking thing going on with Sherry Rowland. Could've saved a world of hurt.

    Just sayin'.

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  13. I'm getting a funny mental image of you in some neo-pagan ritual... and a Phoenix Coyote being sacrificed on an altar.

    Closer than you think, Inno. But ya need to add saffron-colored robes without the shaved head. ;-)

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  14. Inno, old saying here in the south... "Sun don't shine on the same dogs a$$ all the time." Guess it's just not your time!
    That toe sounds painful. I'll throw the bones, rattle the JuJu beads and sacrifice a chicken to make it better.

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  15. You sure have enough to rant about, Inno.
    I hope you have a great relaxing weekend.

    It only takes about 30 seconds to warm up something, so don't over do it. I hope your wife's toe feels better. I had an ingrone one, and had to have surgery on that, and it was very, very painful.

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  16. Oooh, speedy recovery to the wife! I went through the "remove the toenail to get the yuck out" a couple years ago. Discomfort AND pedicure issues all rolled up into one mess.

    Most excellent rant.

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  17. As others have said, the best to your Bride.

    To the help you gave in jumping, I got ya beat,,changing a neighbors tire. I swear I do not know how this couple has made it this far in life as they were totally clueless about this simple and common chore?

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