White House briefing room. DNI Clapper, VP Biden, SecState Clinton, and of course the pResident all present.
[Clapper] "Good news from Libya, Mr. President. The rebels there are finally learning how to shoot their weapons. "
[Obama] "Good, good. Maybe now they'll be able to install an anti-American fundamentalist theocracy without our help."
[Biden] "Wait a sec. They're just now figuring it out?"
[Biden] "They start a bloody rebellion and THEN learn to shoot? Isn't that kinda like wiping your azz and THEN taking the crap? Now, momma always said I wasn't the sharpest hook in the tacklebox, but to me that seems really, really dumbtastic."
[Clinton] "You have to keep in mind that we're dealing with bedouins who have no education."
[Biden] "It's an AK-47! It's like the, um, even simpler than a digital camera! Yikes! Are we sure we want to be setting our policies based on this level of idiocy?"
[Obama] "Joe brings up a valid point. Maybe it is time for a new Middle East strategy."
[Biden] "Gahhh!" [leaps]
The Vice President dives headlong under the table, like a Hollywood action hero leaping to avoid an explosion.
[Clinton] "Joe, knock it off! Explain yourself!"
[Obama] "Hill, I'm in charge. I'll handle this. Joe, knock it off! Explain yourself!"
[Biden, from under table] "Last time you tried to decide on a Middle East strategy, you completely missed the dartboard and hit me in the cheek with the dart. My shoulder is still sore from the tetanus shot."
[Obama] "SoOoRrrry! Like the Libyans just learning how to shoot, I'm just now learning how to throw."
[Biden] "Fine. Go ahead and come up with a new strategy. But I'm staying out of the line of fire 'til it's safe."
[Obama] "I wasn't going to throw a dart this time, anyway. Come back up."
[Obama] "I figured instead, I'd do some hallucinogens and try to have a vision. You know, wisdom from the Great Beyond."
[Obama] "Bring forth the Magic Dust"
A White House maid arrives with some Carpet Fresh. The pResident snorts a goodly bit of it.
[Obama] "A m a z i n g.... I can hear the words of my father.... Hold on.... GAAHHAHHH! The walls! The walls! The walls are crawling with giant fanged Funky Winkerbeans!* Get 'em off me!"
[Biden, to himself] "We're so screwed."
* I'll send a dollar to the first person to tell me where that idea came from