Monday, April 4, 2011

Barry decisive foreign policy

White House briefing room.   DNI Clapper, VP Biden, SecState Clinton, and of course the pResident all present.

[Clapper] "Good news from Libya, Mr. President.  The rebels there are finally learning how to shoot their weapons. "

[Obama] "Good, good.  Maybe now they'll be able to install an anti-American fundamentalist theocracy without our help."

[Biden] "Wait a sec.  They're just now figuring it out?"

[Clapper] "Yeppers."

[Biden] "They start a bloody rebellion and THEN learn to shoot?  Isn't that kinda like wiping your azz and THEN taking the crap?  Now, momma always said I wasn't the sharpest hook in the tacklebox, but to me that seems really, really dumbtastic."

[Clinton] "You have to keep in mind that we're dealing with bedouins who have no education."

[Biden] "It's an AK-47!  It's like the, um, even simpler than a digital camera!  Yikes!  Are we sure we want to be setting our policies based on this level of idiocy?"

[Obama] "Joe brings up a valid point.  Maybe it is time for a new Middle East strategy."

[Biden] "Gahhh!" [leaps]

The Vice President dives headlong under the table, like a Hollywood action hero leaping to avoid an explosion.

[Clinton] "Joe, knock it off!  Explain yourself!"

[Obama] "Hill, I'm in charge.  I'll handle this.  Joe, knock it off!  Explain yourself!"

[Biden, from under table] "Last time you tried to decide on a Middle East strategy, you completely missed the dartboard and hit me in the cheek with the dart.  My shoulder is still sore from the tetanus shot."

[Obama] "SoOoRrrry!  Like the Libyans just learning how to shoot, I'm just now learning how to throw."

[Biden] "Fine.  Go ahead and come up with a new strategy.  But I'm staying out of the line of fire 'til it's safe."

[Obama] "I wasn't going to throw a dart this time, anyway.  Come back up."

[Biden] "OK"

[Obama] "I figured instead, I'd do some hallucinogens and try to have a vision.  You know, wisdom from the Great Beyond."

[Obama] "Bring forth the Magic Dust"

A White House maid arrives with some Carpet Fresh.  The pResident snorts a goodly bit of it.

[Obama] "A m a z i n g....  I can hear the words of my father....  Hold on....  GAAHHAHHH!  The walls!  The walls!  The walls are crawling with giant fanged Funky Winkerbeans!*  Get 'em off me!"

[Biden, to himself] "We're so screwed."



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* I'll send a dollar to the first person to tell me where that idea came from

7 comments:

  1. Obama throws like a girl. He is so indecisive and is failing to lead this country properly. He reminds me of a combination between Sleepy and Dopey from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs with the way he handled military action in Libya.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The walls are crawling with giant fanged Funky Winkerbeans!*

    Wow. Talk about obscure references! I think yer dollar is safe, Inno.

    ReplyDelete
  3. We're in real trouble when Biden is the voice of reason.

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  4. I sense an anxiety closet reference.

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  5. More weapon practice here ...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Y_p25R_Xdg

    ReplyDelete
  6. Again. Who is your inside source in the White House?

    ReplyDelete
  7. ""It's an AK-47! It's like the, um, even simpler than a digital camera!"

    OMG that was funny! You keep topping yourself, Inno!

    ReplyDelete

Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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