Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Vhat oil slick?

Greetings, class!

Today vee shall explore the principle of osmosis.  Vell, not exactly osmosis.  Vee shall discuss things more generally.  In osmosis, vater in high concentration can travel through a semipermeable membrane to an area of lower concentration.  With no input of energy or work.  Similary, thermodynamics teaches dat heat can spontaneously travel from hot matter to nearby cooler matter.  But ze opposites are not true.

Here vee haff ze solution to the Gulf Oil Slick!  Don't you see, class?  Nature doesn't like tinks to be in high concentrations.  Vhether that be vater, heat or oil, it is ze tendency of nature to diffuse deez tinks.  Nature will not allow deez tinks to become concentrated viffout vork or other energy input. 

So vhat ve need is sometink extremely slimy and gross.  I suggest Secretary Napolitano.  On the logarithmic slimy scale, Frau Napolitano comes ass-ymptotically close to infinity.  There is notink known to man more slimy.  Denn ve arrange an array of Chinook Helicopters to lift Frau Napolitano's ponderous bulk into the air and lower her into the sea near the oil spill.  Frau Nappy is more greasy and oily than crude oil, so the laws of thermdynamics will prevent the crude from moving past her.  Ze slime cannot move from a region of relatively low concentration (the sea) to a region of higher concentration (Frau Nappy) unless ve vork and add energy to ze system.  So, ve shall surround zis entire project viff lazy moonbats.  Moonbats are opposed to energy and are incapable of vork.  Hence dey make an excellent insulator for this project.  Ve shall maneuver Frau Nappy and the moonbats around the Caribbean viff ze helicopters and steer ze oil avay from American coastlines.  Problem solved, ja?"


  1. Yah-So, dudoe. Why not swang bye and allow me lack of edgication to absorb the overflowin of vat u'z got xcess uv?

  2. Inno, I must admit that I was waiting for a lecture on "likes dissolving likes" as I heard many times in Chemistry class.

    But, when I read, "I suggest Secretary Napolitano," I truly guffawed! Nyuk!

  3. Brilliant, Inno! just dunk her in there, and she'll absorb all the oil. Funny accents too.
    While we're at it, dump all obummers cabinet, and himself too!

  4. Dang, two awesome-nesses in one post: typing the whole thing in dialect AND a real solution to zee problem.

    You are the BEST!

  5. You blinded me with SCIENCE!

  6. My pea brain is not capable of such heavy thought ... Bravo Innominatus!

  7. That's an excellent idea! of course, the calculations of gross tonnage and hip displacement will be interesting...

  8. Can we diffuse the current Administration?

  9. {{{Apprause}}}

    Great Reader, KIM Jong IL

  10. Finally, a use for the Secretary of Homeland Security.

    Now if only we could find something productive for Ray LaHood.

  11. Nice, although I think I would rather have the oil slick than J-Nap hanging around. She used to be the governor in my state, and we still can't get rid of that dead fish smell.


Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.


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