Vhat oil slick?

Greetings, class!

Today vee shall explore the principle of osmosis.  Vell, not exactly osmosis.  Vee shall discuss things more generally.  In osmosis, vater in high concentration can travel through a semipermeable membrane to an area of lower concentration.  With no input of energy or work.  Similary, thermodynamics teaches dat heat can spontaneously travel from hot matter to nearby cooler matter.  But ze opposites are not true.

Here vee haff ze solution to the Gulf Oil Slick!  Don't you see, class?  Nature doesn't like tinks to be in high concentrations.  Vhether that be vater, heat or oil, it is ze tendency of nature to diffuse deez tinks.  Nature will not allow deez tinks to become concentrated viffout vork or other energy input. 

So vhat ve need is sometink extremely slimy and gross.  I suggest Secretary Napolitano.  On the logarithmic slimy scale, Frau Napolitano comes ass-ymptotically close to infinity.  There is notink known to man more slimy.  Denn ve arrange an array of Chinook Helicopters to lift Frau Napolitano's ponderous bulk into the air and lower her into the sea near the oil spill.  Frau Nappy is more greasy and oily than crude oil, so the laws of thermdynamics will prevent the crude from moving past her.  Ze slime cannot move from a region of relatively low concentration (the sea) to a region of higher concentration (Frau Nappy) unless ve vork and add energy to ze system.  So, ve shall surround zis entire project viff lazy moonbats.  Moonbats are opposed to energy and are incapable of vork.  Hence dey make an excellent insulator for this project.  Ve shall maneuver Frau Nappy and the moonbats around the Caribbean viff ze helicopters and steer ze oil avay from American coastlines.  Problem solved, ja?"