Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Stream of consciousness turbopost

Just when I think I've engraved it all, a customer brings in something new.  This time, it's the empty brass from a 105mm howitzer round from 1945.  Interesting, to me at least, is the size of the primer.  It isn't that much bigger than the primer in a rifle cartridge.  But this empty is roughly the size of my lower leg.

Reminds me of a couple years ago when commenter aA send me some .300 WSM rounds to be engraved on.  I think they'd make EXCELLENT Christmas tree ornaments!


I have an idea for another "barry good" post (which would have been the 100th!) but the Line of Post Ideas never seems to intersect the Line of Free Time to Do Some Writing.  It's the back-to-school busy season so, maybe I'll just blast through the basics of it...

Biden is stupid so he gets barred from the campaign trail so he gets bored and goes exploring in the White House and gets lost in the attic where he finds an old Atari joystick then he eventually finds his way out and comes downstairs to see barry and crew discussing campaign topics but Joe is a distraction because he keeps pretending that he's playing Pac Man and making game noises and he says that of the 4 Pac man ghosts the red one is named Clyde and he's a redneck because he's red and named Clyde like that orangutan in that redneck Eastwood movie then he makes a "right turn, Clyde" move and accidentally punches Plouffe in the lip and barry says that Pac Man was prophetic because it predicted the ascension of MichelleO but Jarrett says "but profits are bad" and barry has to awkwardly explain the difference between "profits" and "prophets" and Joe gets confused and asks what's so profitic about the game and barry says that Pac Man is just like MichelleO in that she's always running around stuffing cookies in her fat mouth and complaining "barackabarackabaracka" while doing so but MichelleO overhears this and throws her ladies' size 17EEE silver lamé shoe just missing barry's head and MichelleO says "dang, I was aiming for his ears! how could I have missed?" and Axelrod says that after all those Jack Links commercials on TV that barry should know better and then Joe says "Mmmm, jerky" then barry realizes that it is the Special Joystick that Boooosh used to steer Katrina into the lower 9th in New Orleans and that he's now gonna use it to steer Hurricane Isaac onto Tampa and squash the nasty republicans but the cord is frayed and he loses control of the storm and then I start to run out of ideas so insert appropriate punctuation and filler content and maybe a couple bad puns and there ya go.


The above reminds me of back at OSU when I was an engineering student.  There was this annoying international student who seemed to every one of my classes.  I think he was from Lebanon (or maybe Jordan) and he was ALWAYS asking the professor to repeat/explain things, no matter how simple they were.  Anyway, one day the prof was running late.  After a while, one of the other students said in frustration "Where the hell's the prof at?"

Annoying Arab Guy jumps up and yells "The Prophet?  Do you mean Mohammed?  YOU WILL NOT SPEAK OF HIM THIS WAY!!!!" complete with frantic gesturing and finger pointing.  That was one of the funniest things I've ever witnessed.  Especially when one factors in that nobody's vest exploded.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012


Somewhere in Flyover Country, a campaign event is getting started...

Good afternoon, patriots of Topeka!
Or, as Sloe Joe Biden might say:
Ha! Nice impersonation Paul! Today we're unveiling our new campaign slogan: "R R R R R R"  It stands for Romney Ryan Republican Repeal Reform and...
Revenge! And when you say R R R R R R quickly, it kind of sounds like laughter.  Which is perfect, because stomping on democrats should provoke a good laugh, or at least a wry smile!
 Whoo!  Yay!  Alright! Reeevennnnggge!
But what about Todd Akin?  Are you rich 1% haters going to denounce him?
Let's look at what he said.  He, as a pro-lifer, was concerned that should abortion laws be changed, women who were ineligible for abortion would claim to have been raped, in order to make themselves eligible.
But what about the "legitimate rape" thing he said?
Looks to me like your face has been legitimately raped by a box of Crayolas!
Ha!  Burn!  Ryan 1, loser occutard 0!
Akin went on to say that women have some kind of Jedi Ninja powers to self-abort pregnancies due to rape.  That is almost as stupid as that Johnson guy thinking Guam might flip over.  So yes, I guess I do denounce him.
I prefaced my question with "rich 1% haters" and you seem to have stipulated that point when you answered in the affirmative.
Better watch it there, Mr. Gay Fawkes, you're gonna make him angry!
Try this on for size!
Oww!  I'm getting a headache!
[tears off shirt, revealing ripped 6-pack and big biceps]
 Yet.  But it will be.  It takes about 22 days to gestate.
Ha ha!  Stupid occutard can't fight the Cancer Ray!
That Akin is an ache in my wastegate.  He's gotta go.  As for rapists, I think they should be turned loose in the Wisconsin woods so my bowhunting buddies and I can inflict some 100gr broadhead revenge!
Revenge! Romney! Ryan! Republican! Reform! Repeal! REVENGE! Bwahahahaaa!

Monday, August 20, 2012

Behold the Power of Harvey!

What happens when Harvey links to ya

With one wave of his magic mouse, traffic on my humble site soars!  I knew, just knew, that someday this award I gave IMAO would pay off!

Friday, August 17, 2012

Hey inno, where ya been?

Where've I been?  Mostly in the car.  The AC in the car works way better than the AC in the house.  So I've mostly been in the car.  It's been 100-ish for several days now.  AccuWeather says the "Real Feel" has been around 106 and even up to 114 once.  Nasty.  So I've mostly been in the car.  And the poking-through-the-window AC unit at home is acting up.  It isn't draining properly.  After about 48 hours of use, there's enough condensation inside to hit the fan.  Yes, the ________ is hitting the fan and spraying around the room.  So I've mostly been in the car.  All I can do is yank the AC, take out the filter, hold the whole thing upside down and shake the water out - like a baby that won't be quiet.  (Kidding!  Sheesh!  You people are so sensitive!)  Repeat as necessary, most likely in a day or two.

So I've mostly been in the car.

I don't have internet access in the car.  Mostly because I don't have WiFi.  I like cables.  I like wires.  When ya encounter a total flaming moron who desperately needs to be strangled, CAT-5e cable works a lot better than, um, air.   So wired internet only for this guy. Also, I don't have a laptop.  I suppose I could, you know, take my desktop PC out to the car and run some of that yummy CAT-5e cable out to it, but it is a HUNDRED FREAKIN' DEGREES outside!  Like I'm gonna go through all that exertion just to satisfy you people!  Yoish, y'all can be soooo demanding!

Tomorrow is supposed to drop back down into the 80s.  Maybe I'll be in a better mood then.


Just thinking about current events puts me in a better mood, actually.  The way the campaign has turned is awesome.  It is even more awesome than a red-white-n-blue blown '41 Willys sideways on fire driven by a hot chick in a bikini running over zombie Mao and zombie Stalin kissing at a kiss-in in front of a Dik-fil-A while Hendrix plays the National Anthem and the rhythm section is the 30mm cannon on an A-10.

OK, maybe not that awesome.  But at least this awesome:

Sorry, Buck. Couldn't find any clips of the Thunderbirds doing similar.

Let's face it:  Paul Ryan is basically Ted Nugent minus the pottymouth and a couple pounds of hair.   The libs don't know what to do about him.  Nancy Pelosi is getting visits from the Ghosts of Feminists Past.  Biden makes this chick look like the valedictorian of Smartville High, and Palin basically dares barry to give Joey the boot.  O'Bumble's campaign co-chair from '08 is now working for Romney.  Romney has TONS of general-election campaign cash he can't spend until he's officially nominated at the Convention.  At which time the BARRAGE of ads will hit, and the get-out-the-vote efforts will take off.  The slaughter will be... wait.  "Epic" is so painfully overused these days.  The slaughter will be "whatever word arises to take the place of the overused 'epic'."  To paraphrase Bull Halsey: "The Democrat language will only be spoken in the narrow confines of a university or two."


The Cold Stone Creamery "Store of the Quarter" for the Mountain West Region is store #20145 in American Fork, Utah.  I would know, because I just made the award.  In my line of work, I get all the big news scoops.  Notice, that it wasn't store #666 in Commie Flats, Connecticut.  See?  The tide is indeed turning our way!!1!


Snooping the online ed of the local paper, and I get a pop-up "You have viewed 15 articles of premium content in the last 15 days.  To continue reading, you'll need to subscribe" yadda yadda.  Premium content?  AP wire stories printed word-for-word, plus an occasional local-interest blurb about "Bertha's begonia garden" or somesuch?  That counts as premium content?  Subscribe to that?  No.  But I will go delete your stupid cookie, which resets me back to zero "premium" views.   And to think I've actually linked to these losers...

The Five Lessons

By way of my inbox via good blogbuddy aA:


- First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor

Gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student
And had breezed through the questions until I read

The last one:

"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the

Cleaning woman several times. She was tall,

Dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question

Blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if

The last question would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely, " said the professor. "In your careers,

You will meet many people.  All are significant.. They

Deserve your attention and care, even if all you do

Is smile and say "hello."

I've never forgotten that lesson.. I also learned her

Name was Dorothy. 

2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain 

One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American

Woman was standing on the side of an  Alabama  highway

Trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had

Broken down and she desperately needed a ride.

Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.

A young white man stopped to help her, generally

Unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man

Took her to safety, helped her get assistance and

Put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his

Address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a

Knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a

Giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A

Special note was attached.

It read:

"Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway

The other night. The rain drenched not only my

Clothes, but also my spirits.  Then you came along.

Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying

Husband's' bedside just before he passed away... God

Bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving



Mrs. Nat King Cole. 

3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those

Who serve. 

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less,

A 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and

Sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in

Front of him.

"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.

"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and

Studied the coins in it.

"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the

Waitress was growing impatient.

"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins.

"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put t he bill on

The table and walked away The boy finished the ice

Cream, paid the cashier and left..  When the waitress

Came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the

Table.  There, placed neatly beside the empty dish,

Were two nickels and five pennies..

You see,  he couldn't  have the sundae, because he had

To have enough left to leave her a tip

4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path. 

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a

Roadway.  Then he hid himself and watched to see if

Anyone would remove the huge rock.  Some of the

King's' wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by

And simply walked around it.  Many loudly blamed the

King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did

Anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of

Vegetables.  Upon approaching the boulder, the

peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the

stone to the side of the road.  After much pushing

and straining, he finally succeeded. After the

peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed

a purse lying in the road where the boulder had

been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note

from the King indicating that the gold was for the

person who removed the boulder from the roadway.  The

peasant learned what many of us never understand!

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve

our condition. 

5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts... 

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a

hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who

was suffering from a rare & serious disease.  Her only

chance of recovery appeared to be a blood

transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had

miraculously survived the same disease and had

developed the antibodies needed to combat the

illness.  The doctor explained the situation to her

little brother, and asked the little boy if he would

be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a

deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save

 her."  As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed

 next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing

 the color returning to her cheek. Then his face

 grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a

trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away".

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the

doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his

sister all of his blood in order to save her. 

Now you have  choices. 

1 Delete this email, or 

2. Forward it other people. 

I hope that you will choose No. 2 and remember. 

Most importantly.... "Work like you

don't need the money, love like you've never been

hurt, and dance like you do when nobody's watching." 

NOW more than ever - Please...     Pass It On...
You never know how or when you'll be paid!
In God We Trust

Monday, August 6, 2012

barry debatable

A televised debate.  Wolf Blitzer "moderating"

[Blitzer] "Let's start with a foreign policy question.  Mr. President, what is the capital of Israel?"

[Obama] "Umm, well.  Our embassy is in Tel Aviv.  The Knesset is in Jerusalem.  But our friends call Jerusalem 'Al Quds'.  Umm.  On Facebook, to describe our relationship with Israel, I'd click on 'It's Complicated'."

[Blitzer] "Governor?"

[Romney] "It isn't complicated.  The capital is Jerusalem.  While Jerusalem has been occupied by others for much of its history, it has been the capital ever since King David set up shop there.  Even Abraham, the Father of the Faith, was willing to sacrifice Isaac on Mt. Moriah, which is where Jerusalem now is, so Israeli influence there even predates King David.  The pResident confuses a very simple thing, and even this basic question leaves him with a puzzled, like a monkey humping a stump."

[Blitzer] "Monkey?  Isn't that racist?"

[Romney] "No.  It just rolls off the tongue more smoothly than 'giraffe humping a carafe'."

[Obama] "Governor, your answer is wimpy.  Because you are a wimp.  You are too much of a wimp to stand up to the far-right base of your hawkish, anti-muslim party."

[Romney] "Me?  The wimp?  At least I can throw a baseball without looking like a palsy victim."

[Obama] "Yeah.  Wimp.  Let me ask you: do you have one of those poofy scrubby things hanging in your shower?"

[Romney] "I have no idea what relevance this has, but, yes.  My wife uses one of those."

[Obama] "Just as I thought.  I don't have one of those.  Because Michelle uses single-aught steel wool with gravel embedded in it when she showers.  Who's the wimp now?"

[Romney] "If my wife were running against your wife, that might have some minute bit of importance.  But she's not, so it doesn't."

[Obama] "Good thing, because, umm, Michelle would tear your wife to pieces and use her bones as toothpicks."

[Blitzer] "Gentlemen, we're getting sidetracked.  Mr. President, can you describe your energy policy?"

[Obama] "All of the solar, all of the wind, and all of algae.  In other words, 'All of the Above'."

[Blitzer] "Governor?"

[Romney] "you didn't build that Witness the renaissance in North Dakota.  Our nation is blessed with an abundance of natural resources.  you didn't build that What I envision is North Dakota happening everywhere:  American people making you didn't build that good American wages pulling American resources out of American dirt."

[Obama] "What's with all the under-your-breath comments?  Are you mocking me?"

[Romney] "you didn't built that"

[Obama] "Now you're being a bully.  You haven't changed a bit since your preppie prep-school days, when you cut the hair of that poor gay kid."

[Romney] "you didn't build that"

[Obama] "Stop it!  Stop it right now!"

[Romney] "you didn't build that"

[Obama, tearful] "Stop it!!!"

[Romney] "I'm either a bully or a wimp.  It is not possible to be both.  So, which is it?"

[Obama, straight-of-back, chin jutting proudly] "Maybe youuuu can't be both, but I can!! Neener-neener."

[Blitzer] "Mr. President, what would you do to get the economy back on the right track?"

[Obama] "The economy is on the right track already.  All it needs is a few more roads and bridges."

[Romney] "you didn't build that Are you serious?  The economy is on the right track you didn't build that in the same way that that girl that Snidely Whiplash tied to the train tracks is on the right track.  Here's the reality: the American economy is like a racehorse, ready to dash.  But the pResident's policies are keeping the gate from opening, so the horse is just stuck there.  I would open the gate by rolling back regulations, repealing barrycare, you didn't built that and opening up more land for resource development."

[Romney] "you didn't built that"

[Obama, pleading] "Stop it!  I'm serious!"

[Romney] "Sounds like baby needs a bottle.  Can me!" [climbs up on podium]

A well-groomed young man wearing black slacks, white shirt, and an 'elder' badge tosses two cans of caffeine-free diet Coke to Romney, who, after catching them, slams them together.  They erupt in foam and release dreaded CO2 into the atmosphere.  The Governor takes a swig from one, then leaps from the podium and pours the remainder over his sniveling opponent.

[Romney] "you didn't build that  I built that."

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Difference between a mélange and an assorted mess

When I post an assorted mess, it becomes a mélange.  Other than that, they're about the same.


Really wish there was a Chick-Fil-A 'round these parts.  Not that I'd actually eat there today.  Nope.  Because the lines are too long.  gayfail.


Bo the Dog wishes there was a Chick-Fil-A in the White House.  Eat mor chiken!


So some badminton players been acting badly.  I could point out that they're all Asian, but that would be racist so I won't.  I could also point out that they're good at badminton 'cuz that's how they shoo the flies off their dog filets, but that would be doubly racist, so I really won't.


I was the student badminton champion of my middle school back in 8th grade.  No foolin'.  I'm pretty good at "twitch" sports.  And I didn't have to throw any matches to get a better seeding, either.  I do admit to sucking at endurance sports, however.


At my age and conditioning level, all sports are now endurance sports.


After I beat all comers in that badminton tournament, I played the staff champion, who happened to be the girls' PE coach.  She whooped my behind.  I also think she likes to work on old diesel tractors, if you know what I mean.  So it's not like I lost to a *real* girl.


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