Saturday, July 11, 2015

Depp Thoughts with Joe Biden

 
I wish there was somebody out there who cared about me half as much as my dear Dr. Jill cares about getting that 35 point upper-half Yahtzee! bonus.

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Once I had a pet frog. I named him Reggie.

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I tend not to wash my hands after using the restroom, 'cuz that kinda implies that ya got some on ya.
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Ya know that little balloon thingy under a frog's chin?  I just poked a hole in Reggie's with a thumbtack.
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I don't do yoga but I find that the "downward dog" posture works pretty good in the bathroom.  Keeps me from wiping the tail of my shirt into my buttcleft.
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Speaking of which, I think I need to go wash my hands.
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Ha!  Now Reggie sounds like a whoopie cushion!
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Harry told everybody he got whupped when his workout band snapped.  Don't believe him.  He isn't strong enough to stretch a rubber band far enough to shoot it across the office.
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What really happened is he got whupped when MichelleO snapped.  See, we were all over at my place for dinner, and Michelle spilled some Merlot.  Harry said "Lamont, ya big ugly dummy!" and, well...
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Don't tell anybody, but Hillary is really rattled by how well Bernie Sanders is doing.  When she's sober, she's twitchin' like Steve Sax trying to make a routine throw to first base.
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The Obama administration has proved that competency  is no longer a requirement for the Presidency so I think I'll run for office one more time.
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The stress of having to run against me *and* Bernie would probably cause Hillary to have a stroke.  Not sure if anybody would notice, though.
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She still thinks the media will do some kind of deus ex machina and save her floundering campaign.  But with Bill around, I think a "d'oh sex maniac" moment is more likely.
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Don't worry, she's not sober very often.




9 comments:

  1. So Johnny Depp is now living in Joe Biden's head?

    I would pay to see Michelle whaling away onHairy Reid.

    ReplyDelete
  2. That started as a typo but then I decided to leave it 'cuz Biden's about as deep as the last Pirates of the Caribbean movie.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As everyone knows in presidential politics, the candidate with better hair has the leg up.

      And who has better hair: Donald Trump or Joe Biden?

      I think Joe will get another couple of plugs to tighten up the ol' pate, and he's off and runnin'...

      Delete
  3. You did a perfect jedi mind trick getting into Slow Joe's head. Well done!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, but I should tell you that actually it was the Vulcan Mind Meld. Cost me 30 IQ points and a hat size.

      Delete
  4. Run, Innominatus! Can I be on your campaign staff?

    ReplyDelete
  5. See? Everybody loves the vodka.
    .

    ReplyDelete
  6. Vice President innominatus. I like it.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I like Joe's explanation for Harry Reid's shiner!

    ReplyDelete

Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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