Thursday, September 18, 2014

This is so weak I probably shouldn't post it

Can not / will not ever convert to Islam.  Tried wiping with my left hand one time.  It didn't go well.  #northpaw
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Grocery store was out of "normal" bananas so wife bought "organic."  Might as well have just bought 3 lbs of fruit flies and eliminated the middleman.  #sayyestothepesticides
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I'd pay good money for a Toddlerspeak version of Rosetta Stone.
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The arms race between the TP manufacturers to see who can cram the most paper on the roll has gotten out of hand.  When the roll barely fits in the dispenser that's bad.  Friction, owing to the snug fit, making it tear after every square (maybe Sheryl Crow was onto something?) is bad.  Having to fight with it until 1/3 of the roll is used before it starts to spin freely and function normally is doubleplusbad.  Not sure what I'm going to do about this, but jihad is still on the table.
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The other day, righty blogs had fun with this pic
wondering what the heck MichelleO is wearing.  In her defense, the hips of the person shown here fit on my display without having to resize my browser window.  Therefore, this cannot possibly be Our Lady of Unfortunate Proportions.  #notguilty
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As I work my way through my usual daily reading, I gotta say I am really tired of the schizophrenic "Wooo! Gonna be a Wave Election!" posts one day and "Wave not forming, Dems to hold Senate" the very next day.  The prevailing opinion moves around faster than Rodger's nose.  Wait, who is Rodger?  Rodger is our little white dwarf Holland Lop bunny.  We named him Rodger, with a "d" because naming him "Roger" would have been stupid and lame and unoriginal.  Rodger is the size of a small cat.  On the hardwood, he gets little traction and pretty much spins out constantly.  On grass or carpet, he is FAST.  On all surfaces, he is CUTE.  We got him for free off a craigslist ad.  He eats like a stoned community-college student, though, so he has turned out to be rather expensive for something that was supposed to be "free."  (insert comparison to socialized medicine here)
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$9 for a new electric can opener may seem like a bargain.  Trust me, it is not.  In fact, I'd like to go back to the store and dick-kick the manager of the Small Appliances section for selling me such a piece of garbage.

5 comments:

  1. Weak? Not at ALL! Welcome back, Inno!

    When you decide to launch the TP jihad, let me know. I'll sign up in a heartbeat. As for me, I just leave the roll on the counter until about a quarter of it's used up, and then I put it in the holder. I hate doin' that.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Were I still single, I'd use that same TP strategy. Loose rolls keep getting knocked into the sink or toilet though, by the grandbrats so I gotta keep the rolls mounted

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  3. toilet paper leads to global warming. Use the hand comrade. Or do you want to see polar bears drown?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is the hand thing part of sharia law? If so, that alone is why I don't think sharia is a good idea. That, and beheading infidels, honor killings and other barbarian crap.

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  4. Michelle Obama and her haunches: just one of them big meaty hams could feed a batallion of cannibals for at least a week.

    Ooooh, yes, this was a fat joke at Michelle Obama's expense. Maybe if she got off her damn high horse and quit jamming carrot sticks and tofu down our kid's throats, then I might reconsider not noticing that she's got thighs bigger than Icky Woods.

    ReplyDelete

Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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