Friday, July 11, 2014

A whole new kind of pain

So...

I just got in from riding my bike home from work.  It's about 6.5 miles each way and mostly level, so even a sedentary old fart like me can make it without too much difficulty.  Anyway, I'd just crested the last high spot and was cruising along the downhill side at a pretty good clip when...

All of a sudden...

Smack!

A freakin' bee exploded on my lower lip!  For about one second, I thought it was just an "ordinary" insect as I spat out the yellow glop of goop (complete with cartoony "blech!" noises) that had previously been its innards.  But the one second elapsed pretty quickly and I was then confronted with PAIN.  Seems the little bastage did a bit of a Moby Dick/Wrath of Khan "I stab at thee" parting shot on me with his stinger.

Now my lip is all totally McSwollen and I look like I have half a pouch of Beech Nut in my face.

Happy Friday, everybody!

9 comments:

  1. Aiiieee! I feel yore pain... seriously, I DO. I got a bee caught in my full-face helmet once upon a time and the little SOB stung me on my chin before I could get him out of there. I'll NEVER forget that and neither will the people in the car that was following me. They must have thought I was having an epileptic fit.

    I hope you have a big-ass supply o' ice.

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    1. Dang! The comment I just typed was supposed to be a reply to yours.

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  2. I'm beginning to think he just grazed me, or maybe the lip is so vascular that the venom dispersed quickly. 'Cuz by bedtime last night the swollen spot was down to about the size of a grape cut in half, and this morning I'm nearly normal (by my standards, at least!)

    Then again, I haven't been stung since I was a kid so maybe that's typical and I just *remember* it being a really major, long-enduring trauma!

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  3. Look on the bright side, if the swelling of your lips doesn't go down you can always make it as a Mick Jagger look-a-like.

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  4. Ahhhh, Grasshopper, perhaps you have learned a valuable lesson.

    In Oregon, much like Chicago in the summer, bike riders are everywhere. They technically are bound to follow traffic laws like any other vehicle, but they to a man, woman and child, eschew any such laws. They ride on the wrong side of the street, ride on sidewalks, they ignore traffic signs, and they pass on the right constantly. They are above the laws, you see, since the bike people are free like the wind, the rain and the sky. It's a noble thing, this bike riding. No pollution, no damaging Gaia's fragile ecosystem with evil carbon emissions and they consider themselves almost God-like, no mortal laws apply to them, you see. They are above it.

    I am from Oregon, but left many decades ago and return on occasion to see the land of my birth changing into a culture I don't recognize. There are now two social classes in Oregon: the bike people, and those who can't stand bike people. Bike paths are being laid down everywhere, and are paid for with public funds. The 'can't stand bike people' folk are forced via taxes to pay for bike people's beloved bike paths. This makes them seethe with anger and hatred for the bike people.

    And this is just not a one-way street (no pun intended): the bike people can't stand the 'can't stand the bike people' people, and vice versa. Both go out of their way to irritate, bother and irk the other. It is now the way things are in Oregon.

    I am inclined to weigh in on the side of the 'can't stand the bike people' because of their lawless and arrogant ways, but I have a few Oregonian friends from antiquity who have become bike people, and I can no longer throw these ancient friends under the bus anymore than Obama can throw his grandmother under the bus because she is a typical white racist.

    Maybe your bee sting is a sign from God, Inno. One of God's creatures, a big meaty bee with a big honkin' stinger gave his life so that you would be in severe pain because you were riding a bike instead of a gas guzzling Hummer H1.

    Just something to think about, Inno. And as Bill Clinton said to Juanita Broderick: 'you better put some ice on that...'

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    1. I, too, am mostly a "can't stand the bike people" person but present circumstances demand that I pedal (or walk!) since we're down to being a one-car family. (Thanks, Obama Economy!) But I know whatcha mean.

      Dunno about Chicago, but around here the bicyclists are 90%+ white dudes. I think that makes me a racist/misogynist/hater somehow. So at least I have that going for me.

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  5. Yes, you certainly get credit from me for your racist/misogynist/hater ways, Inno. Keep it up. Anecdotally speaking, both of my ancient bike people friends are white males. So your stats hold up, too.

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  6. This is the stuff of which nightmares are made. Wake up!!!!

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  7. I have to agree with the Infidel. Take the bee sting as a "Pop God" opportunity.

    Silver lining, eh?

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Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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