In less than a week, though, everything will be awesome and I'll have nothing to complain about. The Sands of Time for me are running low, so I better hurry up and get on with the complaining!
|Pictured: Stealth Gun Control|
I don't think we even own this one. (Yet). I just glommed the pic from google image search. But we have every one of its diabolical cousins. "What did Santa bring you?" "Another @#$%^& noisy toy that devours batteries and I never play with except when you're tired and/or have a headache! Thanks, Santa!" Holy crap, whatever happened to toys that weren't so "interactive"? Is it such a crime to give a little kid a toy truck? That doesn't have a functional horn? One of these @#$%^&* things even talks when it isn't being used. After it sits idle for about 10 minutes, it says "Bye, bye! Let's play again soon!" and powers itself down. Startles the crap out of me every time. Even the !@#$%^&* stuffed animals have noisemakers in them. And batteries. So when the brat bangs it on the table, instead of a nearly inaudible "poof" there's a big "WHAM" from its hard plastic guts hitting the hardwood. Evil. And when the brat barfs on that stuffed animal, I have to do a noise-mech-ectomy on the barfy thing before we can throw it in the washing machine. I swear the modern toy industry exists only to drive sound-minded people so completely, clinically, insane, that they'll fail the background check at the gun store.
I have an earache. Seriously. Dude. I hadn't had one in over 30 years. What next? I remember reading somewhere that antibiotics don't really help an earache that much, so I think I'll try to tough it out without seeing a doc. Or maybe that was strep throat. Whatever. If I lose the hearing in that ear and my whole brain becomes infected I don't think it'll affect me much, except the quality of my blog posts might improve a bit.
My Beavs looked like they had the Alamo Bowl well in hand. Then suddenly the Texas QB pulled his head out of his Ash and started making plays. Also, blocking Okafor must have been an elective class that none of our O-line bothered to enroll in. The Longhorns came roaring back in the 2nd half and won. Gack.
On the bright side, the local buzz is that the Quackheads about an hour south of me are going to have a very unhappy new year. Sounds like the Ducks' recruiting violations are gonna cost them a couple years of Bowl eligibility. Look for Coach Kelly to jump to the NFL about 3 milliseconds after the Fiesta Bowl is over.
I bought my wife a(nother) digital camera for Christmas. I told the chick at the camera counter "I don't care about megapixels. I don't care about optical zoom. I don't care about the capacity of the memory card. I want a camera that won't #$%^&* explode into a million pieces the first time it is dropped, which, coincidentally, is usually the first time it is used." She suggested some model of Fuji Finepix. I took her suggestion. So far, so good. [looks for wood to knock on]
What's with sippy cups? Would it be that hard to standardize them? I have a drawer full of sippy lids and a cupboard full of sippy cups, but @#$%^&* if I can ever get a lid to match up with a cup. Even the #$%^&* Dora The Explorer lids won't fit on the Dora The Ex-whore-a cups. And they're all vacuum-formed with little "grippy" areas. Yeah, right. The brat will still manage to drop the cup and the ill-fitting lid will pop off and then comes the mess. All the grippy area is good for is to create little crevices inside that can in no way be cleaned. Even with a bottle brush. So I stick 'em in the dishwasher and set the machine to "hope this works!" It makes me want to go to work and print a bumper sticker that reads "My grandkid has a more robust immune system than your honor student."