Thursday, June 23, 2011

Barry big pile o' junk

Morning staff meeting in the White House.  The usual crew is present.

[Obama] "Let's get a quick round-up.  Economy?"

[Goolsbee] "Sucks.  Sucks so bad that I quit."

[Obama] "Wars?"

[Panetta] "I never thought it would happen, but Americans are getting tired of bombing brown people.  All this bombing you're doing is hurting your popularity."

[Obama] "Hmmm.  Popularity...  Axe?"

[Axelrod] "We're getting the campaign machine reassembled.  But the enthusiasm is way down.  Good thing the rich people are getting richer, 'cuz the average schmuck now pretty much hates you and would never give a dime for your re-election.  You should maybe start thinking about your post-pResidential life.  Baracka, when the walls fell."

[Obama] "Wait.  I have an idea.  Remember how that guy published pics of his junk on twitter and it was all anybody was talking about for a good solid week?  Let's do that again.  Except somebody more famous.  Somebody that'll dominate the headlines for a long time.  Keep the heat off me long enough to start getting my crap together.  Who...?  Who...?"

VP Biden walks in, late for the meeting.  Wearing earbuds and singing softly.

[Biden, making rodeo gestures] "♪ On a bull named Fu-Manchu ♫"

[Obama] "Joe!" [louder] "JOE!" [yanks earbuds out of Joe's ears]

[Obama] "Get off your air horse for a second.  I have an important job for you."

[Biden] "Sir, yes sir!"

[Obama] "I need you to post a pic of your junk on your twitter."

[Biden, hesitant] "But sir, I'm not sure ab..."

[Obama, interrupting] "I know it is a lot to ask.  But toughen up.  I need you right now, and you need to answer the call of destiny."

[Biden] "But.  But.  OK, this is hard.  In fact, it sounds almost cruel.  I don't have a twitter anymore.  See, the first one got away.  Then the second one get eaten by my cat.  The third one, well, it spontaneously combusted.  Dunno how that happened.  But it ruined the drapery, which was Jill's favorite.  The guy at the pet store and Jill both told me clearly: no more twitters."

[Obama] "I'm not talking about a bird, Joe!  I'm talking about that internet thing."

[Biden, rubbing chin, distant stare] "Internet...  Internet...  Sounds kinda familiar.  Oh!  Yeah, that series of tubes invented by Fat Albert.  OK.  Hey, Hey, Hey!  Gotcha.  You want me to put a pic of my junk on twitter?  I haven't even touched that twitter thing since the election.  Which reminds me, I think I should primary you!  Heh.  Kidding.  Maybe.  Heh.  Alright, I'll do it."

[Obama] "Thanks, Joe."

Several days go by.  ZERO coverage in the news.  Obama's polling numbers continue to discolor the porcelain.  

[Obama] "Dang!  Usually the media embargoes of my gaffes are helpful, but I need them to jump on this one.  Are we sure Joe posted that pic?"

[Sebelius] "Don't look at me, I'm not going to check!"

[Napolitano] "Same here.  No way, no how.  I've never seen a man's junk.  Not even once.  And I'm not about to start now."

[Obama calling Joe on the speakerphone] "Joe!  I thought you were gonna put a picture of your junk on twitter!"

[Biden] "Sir!  I did!  I promise!"

[Obama] "Seems like we would've had independent confirmation of this by now.  Are you sure?  You wouldn't lie to me?"

[Biden] "Ummm...."

[Obama] "I knew it!  You lied!  You never posted the pic!"

[Biden] "I posted the pic, sir.  But I confess that it wasn't really my junk.  At least, not my junk yet."

[Obama] "OMG, Joe!  You posted a pic of another man's junk?"

[Biden] "'Well, I really have no junk.  Jill won't allow it.  I mean, I have some serious junk, but Jill won't allow me to keep it at the house.  I've tried to convince her that while there is a lot of it, I'd promise to keep it tidy.  But she's never let me."

[Napolitano] "I think I'm gonna hurl."

[Biden] "So, I posted a pic of Grandpa Biden's junk.  Like a lot of men, he was always rather proud of his junk.  It has become something of a family heirloom.  Right now it is in a field in Scranton.  Someday it'll officially be mine.  I keep several pics of grandpa's junk in my phone.  So when I'm feeling a little low, I can just look at those pictures and it perks me right up.  I say to myself 'self, someday that'll all be yours, and you'll be able to do whatever you want with it.'

[Napolitano, turning green and looking for a wastebasket] "Ugh"

[Obama] "Joe, you huffed the aerosol propellent out of a whole can of stupid, didn't you?"

[Biden] "Not at all.  Some of my fondest childhood memories involve grandpa's junk.  We'd go outside and he'd show me all the crazy stuff he could do with his junk.  Once we even found an ant nest in grandpa's junk.  Ahh, those were the days."
[Obama] "Oh, I get it.  You're talking about literal junk."

[Biden] "Why?  What did you think I was talking about?  I think your teleprompter needs a tune-up.  You aren't making any sense at all."

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Is that a train?

Nah... There are no tracks in this tunnel.  So it is either a semi with one headlight burned out, or I am almost out of the hectic mess that has been the last couple weeks.  The crazy end-of-schoolyear rush at work is just about petered out and the church remodel is almost done.  Maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to write up a post before the topic becomes old news... 

Speaking of the church remodel - for all the electrical work I did, I only got shocked once, at that mildly!  Yay!  Which reminds me, I've had this bizzzzzarre recurring dream lately.  Like, variations on the same dream about a half-dozen times over the last few months.  In it, there is a big, distant thunderstorm.  Much bigger and more energetic than we typically get around here in Oregon.  I am watching it, "oohing" and "aahing" like one might do when watching fireworks.  Usually wife or somebody else is with me.  It gets closer.  Next thing ya know, lightning starts striking nearby trees and buildings and I (we) start looking for a safe shelter.  Then the real weirdness kicks in: rather than a flash, the lightning stays "on".  It is a loud, crackly column of lightning from the clouds to the ground, and it starts moving around.  Cuts right through buildings and cars and stuff and kicks up debris like a small tornado.  It starts coming towards me (us), at about a walking speed.  So it is easily outrun and out-maneuvered.  There's even an ozone smell present.  Then another "bolt" appears, and another, and another, and next thing you know I'm having to elude these stupid things.  We're yelling to each other about how we have to get out of here.  In the dream it is scary as heck, but when I wake up I don't feel that panicky thing that usually accompanies a really bad dream.  Strange.

I haven't run any ponytailed dipwads in electric SmartCars off the road in a long time, and I think the dream is telling me I gotta quit slacking off in this area.  But I'm not sure.  Iff'n y'all are good at interpreting this kind of stuff, I'm all ears.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Happy Flag Day Repost

Here's a little re-post for ya. You can look at the comment you left last year and see if you've gotten any smarterer.

Oh, you said "FLAG DAY", like with an "L" in it.  Ooops!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Not enough angry

It occurs to me that the previous post did not meet the minimum RDA of anger.  I don't want you all to become deficient, but I find myself in the (unfamiliar) position of not being very pissy about anything at the moment.  Not sure what I'll do about it.

Wait a sec...

The radio...

They're playing Sympathy for the Devil.  Man, I hate that song.  Never been much of a Stones guy.  Paint it Black is OK, I guess.  But Sympathy is just horrid.  Even worse than all their other horrid junk.  Stupid subject matter, stupid "whoo whoo."  It's over.  Finally.

Aw, great.  Here it comes...  Just about every commercial break there's an ad for a regional hotel chain.  "Free Continental Breakfast at most locations."  You know what a freakin' Continental Breakfast is, right?  A room-temperature croissant and a cup of coffee.  Maybe a grape on the side.  Yay.  Am I supposed to get all fired up about that?  I assume they're talking about Continental as in Europe and not Continental as in the big gas-hoggin' American car.  'Cuz this so-called "breakfast" is more like a Geo Metro Breakfast.  They gotta be talking about Europe.  Now I'm good'n ticked.  They're boasting that they offer the same grub that some Belgian guy named Patrice eats in the morning.  Ya know what, Patrice?  Guys that go to Denny's and eat a Lumberjack Slam don't get punked by the Prussians twice every century, that's what!

But there ain't even a Denny's in my stupid town.  No Wal-Mart, either.  Yes, I gotta drive far out of my way just to enjoy the finer things in life like a Lumberjack Slam and a $19 DVD player that'll fail in a month.  If I stay in town, my only choice is Shari's with that ridiculous octagonal building and overpriced pies.  Did you know they trademarked that shape?  Yep, if you try to open an octagonal restaurant, you'll get the visit from their attorneys.  But, but, I got this GREAT deal on 45o pipe fittings!  What am I going to do with all these 45o pipe fittings in a normal rectangular building?  Sorry, champ.  Screw two together and make a 90o and shut up.  54,000 people in this town and no Denny's and no Wal-Mart.  But we have TWO organic food co-ops.  As Mick Jagger might say "whoo!"  And we have a Market of Choice which is basically a co-op with cleaner floors and better lighting.  Double "whoo!"  Of course, I could go to Elmer's but the food isn't so great and they aren't very friendly.  It says "breakfast served anytime" so I tried that old Steven Wright joke on them "OK, I'll have pancakes during the French Revolution."  Not even a glimmer of a smile from the ornery old waitress, so I ain't going back there ever again.  What's a hungry redneck supposed to do?

I dunno either.  But just talking about it all has got my blood pressure back to well into the triple digits and my scowl is coming back.  I feel much better now.  Thanks for listening.

Not gon' do it

Portrait of Congressweasel from New York who will not be mentioned by name.
I betcha there are some among you who are wondering why I haven't posted on WeinerGate.  I know, I know, it is a topic that is right up my juvenile humor alley.  The Hebrew National and Oscar Meyer jokes keep popping into my mind, but I just won't go there.  Nor will I ask if "they plump while ya cook 'em."  I declare this blog to be a Weiner-free zone.  I might be the only righty on the planet who has avoided this topic, and I will continue in that role. 

Instead, I will ask about Governor Hairstyle from Texas.  Seems that he's chased Newt out of the race. That alone makes him worthy of consideration if he chooses to run.  But I don't know much about him.  I've heard he charts kind of a squiggly path with regard to illegal immigration.  Is this verdad?  I don't ask for much in a candidate.  All I want is someone who will kidney-punch all the illegals and suck every last dirty drop of oil out of Mother Earth. (hey, we owe her that much), while balancing the budget.   

OK, I exaggerate a little.  All I really want is somebody besides Obama.  There's an itchy scab on the top of my head from when I was crawling around in the church attic the other day - the little spinny thing on the fire sprinkler decided to grab a wad of my hair as I was passing under it - I'm saying I'd vote for that scab before I'd vote for Obama.  I'd even vote for that stupid little spinny thing, despite the intense loathing I have for it. But we can do better, can't we?

Most of us have been waiting for somebody else to step in.  Somebody who is not a RiNO but has some experience and some electability.  Somebody we could really get jazzed about.  Is Governor Perry that guy?

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Wooo! Freebie blog content

Got this in my inbox.  I could see Palin (or somebody like her) doing this on the campaign trail...


(Scene: Sarah Palin on a dais.)

(Behind her are large posters of Wiener pics, the most published--underpants, chest and with a cat--prominent. Less known pics fill the background.)

(Sarah begins her talk with the words,)

"Democrats will tell you anything to get elected. This is the essence of the word, 'demagoguery.' Whenever the Left talks about a woman's right to choose, we are told that abortion is not murder. Nothing about the choices women face. Nothing about a baby's life. Whenever the Left tells us that we need to spend more taxpayer money in order to save jobs, we are told government expenditures are an investment. Not that they are a drag on job creation. Not that it takes money from businesses that are struggling to survive. Whenever the Left talks about the importance of sustainability, we ignore the fact that every 'sustainable' idea is unprofitable. And that profitable ideas sustain us. That is, taxes come from profitable enterprises, not 'sustainable' enterprises.

"Anthony Wiener is a poster boy of the Left. For twelve years, Anthony Wiener has told you that America's values are bad for you. Independence, liberty and freedom, personal responsibility, honor and integrity are values to be ridiculed, since only the values of the Democrat Party are to be adopted and practiced.

"And here we are today, with an admitted liar, listening to the Left defend and failure to decry Anthony Wiener's lack of personal responsibility, or sense of shame.

"Did Anthony Wiener violate his Oath of Office?

"The Oath is as follows:

"'I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter: So help me God.'

"I ask you today, did Representative Wiener well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which he had entered?

"Has America become so distanced from the values of liberty, truth and personal responsibility that the lies that we have heard from a sitting U.S. Congressman are no longer either relevant, or important?

"At what point do we need to admit, that Representative Wiener's first response to his current problem was simple. To lie to his constituency and to the American people?

"The Republican Party recognizes the painful path ahead. The idea that America deserves Universal Health Care, that Americans demand Universal Health Care will, at some point be seen as an idea more suited for European social states. Decades of legislation that has depended upon the relationship between a corrupt political tradition of unprincipled legislators and special interest lobbyists have ensconced entire industries that exist solely for the purpose of furthering industries and unions that live like parasites within the body politic.

"In America, the highest value is, and always has been, placed upon individual liberty and economic freedom, and yet we have codified the existence of industries and unions that do nothing more for the health and success of our country than do the parasites that invade any body. And the more successful the parasite, the longer it can exist without being discovered. The risk to Liberty has been the promise of the Plantation; the promise that if we rely upon our government to take care of us we will be better people, where all of our concerns are dealt with by caretakers who cater to our needs, from diet, to work, to how many children we are to have, and how to raise our children. 'Innovation' has become a buzzword of the Progressives who are attempting to direct our state's and national economies with promises of 'New Technologies' that are neither profitable, nor desirous. These Overseers will make sure that we are productive citizens that contribute in sustainable ways to the future of our nation. That our children will be better children. That our future will be Green and Carbon Neutral.

"However, Free Men don't live on Plantations. And talking honestly about the practices of former Presidents, and former Legislators, that promised more than we could afford, is going to happen.

"What Representative Wiener represents is a recognition that the time has come for us to begin to talk honestly about the problems that we, as a Nation, are facing.

"When Representative Wiener recognized that his actions had put him in a place where his reputation was jeopardized, what was his initial reaction?

"To lie.

"To lie to the Press, to lie to his Constituency, and to lie to the American People.

"When Representative Paul Ryan advanced his plan to fix Medicare and Medicaid, what was the response of the Democrat Party and its leadership?

"The answer is simple.

"They lied.

"Medicaid and Medicare is being cut. That's true. And the cuts are being contained in the Democrat's best effort at attempting to continue their lies. It's called 'ObamaCare.'

"Under ObamaCare, budgets for Medicaid have already been cut by $500-billion dollars.

"In an economy of 14-trillion dollars, which includes all and every economic activity in this great nation of ours, Medicare cuts, alone represents a cut of two-point-eight percent of our total economy. That's every manufacturing job, every machinist's job, every autoworker's job, every software designer's job, every home builder's job, and all the jobs in America that adds to our national wealth. A great and diverse economic miracle, the United States is the most creative, productive nation on the face of the Earth, in the history of all Mankind.  Isn't it interesting that the trillions of dollars in additional government spending, for subsidies for fuel made from corn, to subsidies for windmills, for subsidies for trains going nowhere, that these promises are more valuable than the promises our country made in the past, to folks who worked and invested, planning on a certain level of truthfulness from our elected politicians? And relied upon their own independence?

"The object lesson of Representative Anthony Wiener is an important lesson; there are those in America who will raise fears, raise expectations, and more importantly lie in order for them to further their own, personal success.

"Tonight, Representative Wiener talked about his 'personal responsibility.' Do we continue to believe men that are proven, serial liars? A man that lied to all those around him, his Constituents, the American Public, journalists, his family and friends?

"The responsibility of every elected official in the United States is written in the Oath that all Representatives take when they are sworn into office.

"As a United States Representative, it is true that Congressman Wiener ridiculed those who disagreed with him. We hear the demagoguery of the past, from 'giving tax breaks to the rich,' to 'ignoring the plight of the poor.' As the problems we are facing, both from the sustained Obama depression, to mis-guided efforts to convince you that increased government spending is an investment, that throwing good money after bad, that the role of government is to ensure that you achieve social justice instead of equal opportunity, that all the issues that created the body of Representative Wiener's work were simple efforts to divide the Nation, between classes, between the haves and have-nots, between those who seek opportunity and those who seek to be taken care of, that there is a simple difference between America and the rest of the world, Congressman Wiener teaches us a simple moment; what is the Truth?

"What is the Truth?

"And why is it that no media asks this question?

"America was built upon some fundamental ideas. Some fundamental beliefs. Some fundamental Truths.

"That 'All Men are Created equal.'

"Not that we need government to adopt policies and regulations that attempt equality.

"We start equal. In America, we are equal. Rich and poor, alike. No matter the color of your skin. No matter your Faith, or lack of Faith. Adopting the promises of those advanced by Progressives like Anthony Wiener aren't protections of our Liberty. The are the building-blocks on the pathway to a Road to Serfdom. And I'm not willing to give up my liberty to accept the medical care, the dietary constraints, the innovations in our country's economy that are deemed acceptable and prescribed by our nation's elite.

"No nation on the face of the Earth has been successful  married to the ideas of Progressivism, Socialism, or Communism.

"But, America, dedicated to honesty, to social and economic freedom and liberty has created the Greatest Nation in the History of the World.

"This is not the time to adopt the social tendencies of the Old World. This is not the time for us to consider Kings and Queens. This is not the time to look to a Central Planner or Government Agency to find out what we should do.

"To fix America is simple.

"Simply allow Americans to do what Americans have always done: to innovate, to create, to build, to invest, to dream.

"Now is the time to decide, whether to accept the leadership of a Congressman Wiener, or to do what America does best.

"Now is the time to create jobs, to build factories, to drill for oil, to search for our natural resources, to build mines and wells, to harvest trees and actually invest in those things that are profitable; sustainable jobs that are profitable. Sustainable, since they are financed through private capital and private resources, rather than through escalating taxes and increasing regulation.

"Now is the time to build America. Not on the lies of whatever it takes to keep ones job in the Congress. Given that some areas of the country will never again accept the truths of America's past, it's history and greatness, but instead ignore the values of the simple freedoms and liberties that we have all been promised by our founding document and our Founding Fathers and our Constitution. The constituents of Congressman Wiener may end allowing him to retire from Congress at an old age. But one or two, or more Congressional Districts are not representative of what America is, nor, for which it stands.

"It is time for us to defend America. Not just our borders, but our beliefs. That we are different from the rest of the world. That freedom and liberty aren't just archaic ideas. But practiced, every day. By Americans.

"I am here, at a time when the media would wish I would just go away. Just as there are those who wished that the ideas I believe in would just go away.

"Congressman Wiener wishes I would go away. He wishes to promise this country that his vision of America is the only possible vision. That we must rely upon our government to choose the best paths for us to follow, from investments to jobs to what is, or is not, acceptable public and private behavior. The only problem is, when called upon to do the right thing, the honorable thing, he faltered.

"Congressman Wiener's entire education, experience, public and private life told him that at the moment of crisis, he had to lie.

"Americans must decide; to adopt the policies and practices of Congressman Wiener, or to re-affirm the policies and practices we've been taught since we were children, American Values, like Truth, Justice, Liberty and Freedom.

"Tears and weakness will not do. Today is a day of choice. Will we be Americans? Or will we be Wieners?"

Monday, June 6, 2011

Pokin' my head out of the bunker

Just pokin' my head out of the bunker for a sec, before I get back to toiling.  See, this time of year - when all the schools are winding down their year - is psycho-busy for me.  Throw in the church remodel going on and the second job, and, well, the blogging bug ain't been bitin' barry often.  I appreciate your expressions of concern (and bail money) but, really, everything is fine.  My infrequent posting is nothing to worry about.  I'm fine.  Really.  Don't believe me?  Here.  I'll prove it:

I spent a goodly bit of the weekend crawling around in the rafters of the church, running some 'lectricity to the new bathrooms.  Lights and fans and stuff.  Trust me, it's important that those fans get a good supply of juice.   I'm not an electrician, but I know enough to hook things up safely and not burn anything down.  (So far).  What I lack is the experience to just whip through it. And the cool tools.  Having to do everything with just a screwdriver and my teeth really slowed me down.  SO DID THE HEAT.  It was really, really hot up there.  I was sweating like crazy.  Next thing ya know, the calf muscles are trying to cramp and the back is trying to spasm.  Not good.  I don't get back spasms often, but the couple of times they've happened I've been pretty much immobile.  Crawling out of there and getting back down the ladder could have been really bad.  Thankfully the cramps never advanced past the "annoying" stage.  The freekin' fiberglass insulation, though, advanced WAY past the "annoying" stage.  Nothing quite as fun as a sweaty wallowing in the fiberglass.  Owens?  Corning?  Someday... Someday, I will bump into you guys in a dark alley.  And y'alls better be wearing your cups!  I'm not sure how much of that junk I inhaled, but my wife said that in the middle of the night I coughed up a jet-ski hull.  It was so hard to breathe that my hands were trembling like Joe Biden's hair plugs when he's amped on Strawberry Quik and Rolos.  Makes it hard to get the Phillipian bit on the screw shooter to line up with the heads on the drywall screws.  Oh, yeah, then there was the "after all that work is done, realize that the light fixture spec'd by the architect won't fit where it was intended to go" thing.  Farkin' architects!  Question for the Pharisees and Sadducees:  Is cussing under one's breath more of a sin when done in a church, or is it less so 'cuz it was done while sweating for the Kingdom?
Speaking of sin, I really shouldn't be joking about it.  I'm increasingly convinced that the End is coming soon.  I'm not going to throw out a date like that fool from a couple weeks ago.  According to the actuarial tables, I'm about halfway through my earthly life.  I'm just saying that I'll be surprised if I die of old age before Christ returns.  That's about as specific as I can get.  That said, come soon, Lord!  At the rate I am acquiring new aches and pains, I'll be a hunched-up cane-using little Yoda type guy slightly grammar better with, by the time I am 50!  Contorting around joists and insulation like the mythical RafterBoy doesn't help.  I really need to just be kickin' it in a hammock.  Doctor's orders or something.
Speaking of Rolos, the Very Famous Burger Chain I do mornings at has added a Rolo item to the shake menu.  I overheard one of the little snotnoses there asking another "What the hellza Rolo?" and I replied "Are you even serious?" and he was.  So I sang the little jingle.  "You can roll a Rolo to your friend!  They're chocolate-covered caramel from end to end!"  Everybody within earshot looked at me like I was on crack.  Kids these days!  They can text, download an iTune, and play Call of Duty.  All at the same time.  But they don't have even the vaguest idea what a Rolo is.  We are so doomed.
Speaking of so doomed, that's what Georgia, Creighton and Arkansas-Little Rock are.  Because they had to play my Beavers in the NCAA Baseball Tournament.  Wish college baseball got more attention and coverage.  It is a really good flavor of baseball.  Plus, it's like the only sport we're really good at.  OK, I exaggerate.  We're pretty good at football.  Most years we end up ranked like #23 and go to a middling level bowl.  We're always good at Wrestling and Gymnastics.  For about 60 years we were really good at basketball but lately have sucked.  But baseball... National Champs in '06 and '07.  I pity the fool that gets between the Beavs and another National Championship.
Speaking of really good flavors, I'm talking about those assorted muffins my wife puts in my lunch.  One day it's blueberry.  Mmmm.  The next day it's chocolate chip.  Mmmm.  Then it's poppyseed.  Mmmm.  Then it's, um, like compressed sawdust.  NOT a really good flavor.  Ack.  Ever heard of Synesthesia?  It's a condition where inputs from one of a person's senses affect what is received from the other senses.  The typical case involves a person who sees colors while listening to music.  Most people who have it like it and are glad for it.  I think I may have a mild case, as my brain assigns sounds to things I see.  Not literal, audible sounds, but rather like the "voice" of me reading silently.  Does that make any sense?  [No.  Our readers already suspect we're schizo.  This isn't helping.  -ed.][Shut up, you're being delusional.  Again.  -ed.][Fine.  Whatevs. -ed.]  Like when a squirrel is bounding across the street, my "mind's ear" hears a little ba-doop-ba-doop sound.  Really.  At least until I swerve and turn him into pavement pepperoni.  [Kidding!]  And when I ate that HORRID muffin, my senses got crossed up again:  That muffin TASTED exactly like a wicker basket SMELLS.  Couldn't even swallow the first bite.  I can only imagine what the fiber count in that beast was.
Speaking of 'that beast', Michelle Obama's favorite soft drink is Sierra Pist.
Speaking of fiber, I am reminded of a really funny bit of stand-up by the late Dennis Wolfberg.  I'm sure it's in one of these links somewhere.  When I get more time I'll try to find it.
Speaking of funny white guys, I've noticed that their life expectancy ain't so hot.  Dennis Wolfberg mentioned above.  John Belushi.  John Candy.  Sam Kinison.  Chris Farley.  All the funny ones die way too young.  S'pose that means that putz Bill Maher is pretty much immortal.

Speaking of putzes, the Republicans are like foot fungus.  Really wish they'd just go away.  But they won't.  They remain a lingering irritant.  Democrats, however, are like a malignant tumor.  A malignant tumor full of herpes viruses.  A malignant tumor full of herpes viruses on fire.  So, having to choose between a lingering irritant and a prolonged painful death, I've opted for the irritant.  I am a Reluctant Republican.  Keep in mind that "innominatus" essentially means "generic."  When you see a poll that says "Obama getting whupped by Generic Repubican" you now know who they're talking about.
Speaking of synesthesia, Tillamook makes EXCELLENT cheese.  They also make VERY GOOD (but not quite excellent.  Call it an A- ) ice cream.  Their yogurt, however, is beyond nasty.  It doesn't taste like fruit.  It TASTES like air freshener SMELLS.  Avoid it at all costs.  You're welcome.


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