It occurs to me that the previous post did not meet the minimum RDA of anger. I don't want you all to become deficient, but I find myself in the (unfamiliar) position of not being very pissy about anything at the moment. Not sure what I'll do about it.
Wait a sec...
They're playing Sympathy for the Devil. Man, I hate that song. Never been much of a Stones guy. Paint it Black is OK, I guess. But Sympathy is just horrid. Even worse than all their other horrid junk. Stupid subject matter, stupid "whoo whoo." It's over. Finally.
Aw, great. Here it comes... Just about every commercial break there's an ad for a regional hotel chain. "Free Continental Breakfast at most locations." You know what a freakin' Continental Breakfast is, right? A room-temperature croissant and a cup of coffee. Maybe a grape on the side. Yay. Am I supposed to get all fired up about that? I assume they're talking about Continental as in Europe and not Continental as in the big gas-hoggin' American car. 'Cuz this so-called "breakfast" is more like a Geo Metro Breakfast. They gotta be talking about Europe. Now I'm good'n ticked. They're boasting that they offer the same grub that some Belgian guy named Patrice eats in the morning. Ya know what, Patrice? Guys that go to Denny's and eat a Lumberjack Slam don't get punked by the Prussians twice every century, that's what!
But there ain't even a Denny's in my stupid town. No Wal-Mart, either. Yes, I gotta drive far out of my way just to enjoy the finer things in life like a Lumberjack Slam and a $19 DVD player that'll fail in a month. If I stay in town, my only choice is Shari's with that ridiculous octagonal building and overpriced pies. Did you know they trademarked that shape? Yep, if you try to open an octagonal restaurant, you'll get the visit from their attorneys. But, but, I got this GREAT deal on 45o pipe fittings! What am I going to do with all these 45o pipe fittings in a normal rectangular building? Sorry, champ. Screw two together and make a 90o and shut up. 54,000 people in this town and no Denny's and no Wal-Mart. But we have TWO organic food co-ops. As Mick Jagger might say "whoo!" And we have a Market of Choice which is basically a co-op with cleaner floors and better lighting. Double "whoo!" Of course, I could go to Elmer's but the food isn't so great and they aren't very friendly. It says "breakfast served anytime" so I tried that old Steven Wright joke on them "OK, I'll have pancakes during the French Revolution." Not even a glimmer of a smile from the ornery old waitress, so I ain't going back there ever again. What's a hungry redneck supposed to do?
I dunno either. But just talking about it all has got my blood pressure back to well into the triple digits and my scowl is coming back. I feel much better now. Thanks for listening.