Sunday, November 6, 2011

Barry miserable summit

The pResident and various heads-of-state are in Cannes (pronounced "KHAAAAAN!") in the south of France for the G20 Summit.  After another day of futile discussions, the leaders are having a formal dinner.  A waitress brings the first course.

[Waitress] "Here is ze special French deenair for ze special guests"

[Obama, to waitress] "Mercy bo-coo-coo-ka-choop"

[Sarkozy laughs]

[Merkel glares, disapprovingly]

[Obama] "C'mon, Angie!  That was funny!"

[Merkel] "I am German.  I do not laugh."

[Obama] "You remind me of Angela Landsbury.  Are you two related?"

[Merkel, facepalm]

[French PM Sarkozy] "Meestair pResidahnt Obama, ze central banks of Europe are unable to cope with ze masseeve Greek debt probe-lems.  Unless ze Americans help, ze Euro is soon no more."

[Omaba] "Sarko, my people don't have much appetite for more debt.  We might be able to help with Greece, but after that, I doubt it.  We may be the world's largest economy, but we can't bail out Spain or Italy, or for that matter, France."

[Sarkozee] "Oui, oui, you always remind us." [eyeroll] "You have ze beeggest economee, ze beeggest militaree, ze beeggest zis and ze beeggest zat.  And I remind you, vouz also have ze beeggest spouse.  Her butt-tocks are unnaturally beeg.  My wife is soopairmodell, while yours...  how to say in English..." [pensive pause] "...it is like your wife's face is on fyair, and a strong man come to exteenguish ze flames, using only a wet crowbar."

[Merkel busts out laughing]

[Obama] "Ha ha.  Ang?  I thought you didn't laugh."

[Merkel] "Nien.  But, that was funny."

The waitress arrives with the next course of the meal.

[Obama, nodding in thanks to waittress] "Donkeyshown"

[Waitress, faux German accent] "Bitter"

[Obama, rapidly] "Clinger"

[Waitress, rapidly] "Radar O'Reilly"

[Obama, rapidly] "Colonel Potter"

[Waitress, rapidly] "Harry Potter"

[Obama, rapidly] "Occupy Wall Street"

[Waitress, rapidly] "What?  I said 'Harry Potter' not 'hairy pooter' "

[Obama] "Sorry, your accent kinda got me on that one."

[Waitress, indignantly] "Meestair pResidahnt, you are in Frahnce.  Vouz are the one with ze accent."

[Obama, dumbfounded stare]

[Merkel] "It is evident that these discussions are going nowhere."

Some days later, back in DC

[MichelleO] "How'd the big G20 summit go?"

[Obama] "Terrible.  The whole global economy is going to explode in my face right before election time."

[MichelleO] "I've been wanting to talk to you about that.  Are you really sure you even want to run again?  I'd be totally OK with you just serving one term."

[Obama] "Yeah, me pretending to be hetero-  all this time has been pretty hard on both of us.  Dunno if I can do it for another four years."

[MichelleO] "Me either."

6 comments:

  1. Zis ees true, mon amie. Amereeka has ze beegest zis and ze beegest zat, to eenclude ze beegest failyare of le prayzidant, Bah-ree Sotorro.

    ReplyDelete
  2. maybe we can harness Michelle's butt fat as a source of power? Like wind farms we can make Michelle Obama butt fat farms.

    Think of the renewable energy!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Mooshell and the Gay Great One, What's next Biden the Conqueror?

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'd do Mrs. Sarko. Oh, yes.

    wv: peppere. Salt's partner, in "KHAAAAAN!"

    ReplyDelete
  5. Fredd - Oui. He eez like ze eighth wondair of ze world.

    Infidel - researchers here at OSU are working on extracting energy from ocean waves. Maybe we can hook that apparatus up to her backside and then whack her with a boat oar.

    Odie - That would make a good blog post.

    Buck - Suspicion confirmed. Not that I had a whole lot of doubt.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wind power isn't effective, and the farms distort radar, so they're unsafe as well. But MO's a great source of gas; I'm all for putting her to good use.

    ReplyDelete

Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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