Monday, December 6, 2010

This Beaver is Torn

This Beaver is torn.  We lost the Civil War to the hated Ducks, who now go on the the BCS Championship Game against Auburn.  Can't stand the Ducks.  They make me want to break things and say bad words.  On the other hand, I have a number of loud-mouthed exuberant blog buddies who adore SEC football and are convinced in their own little pointy heads that all other conferences are grossly inferior. 

So, what do I do?  Shall I root for the Ducks, who are representing the Pac-10?  Ewww.  That's kinda like rooting for Satan.  Shall I root for Auburn and hope they put the Ducks in a stewpot?  Then I'd never hear the end of it from certain people who shall remain nameless.  (But their initials are A.N.D.Y., P.A.U.L., and maybe even B.A.S.I.L.  I think M.O.O.G.I.E. is too polite to rub my face in it)

I'm really stuck here.  Hoping that a giant asteroid smashes the championship game and flattens everybody on both teams isn't much of a strategy but it is all I can think of right now...

Beavers fail.  No bowl game this year.  Too much disappointment.  Can't cope.  Woe, despair and agony on me.

13 comments:

  1. I wouldn't say that all conferences other than the SEC are grossly inferior. Simple inferiority will suffice.

    As for Moogie being too polite to rub your face in it . . . I may be genteely southern, but I'm not philanthropic.

    War Eagle! (I'm allowed under the SEC By-Laws, Razorback Addendum, to say that until the 2011 season begins!)

    And BTW -- the ohio state legumes are going down in flames! I wonder what buckeye popcorn tastes like?

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  2. Hey Inno...you ain't the only one that's torn.

    As big an SEC homer as I am, it is difficult to "root" for The Barn. Fortunately, I will not have to "root" for them. They are playing the most inferior team to wind up in the BCS Championship game yet...or maybe ever to be.

    Oregon ends the season undefeated, playing in a weak conference, beating exactly 5 bowl eligible teams. Pitiful.

    Auburn, playing in a superior conference ends the season undefeated. Their schedule included 8 bowl eligible teams.

    (Side note: Of the top tier of teams, LSU had the highest bowl eligible schedule with 9 of 12 opponents ending the season with 6 wins...but that's not relevant to your post...just a true fack!)

    It won't even be close. It will be the worst BCS Championship game ever.

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  3. The commenters going before me ( I will NOT say "above me...") make your point, Inno.

    Moogie beat me to the point I WAS going to make, in that she most certainly WILL rub your nose in it. SEC "fans" are like that.

    Which brings us to the Sucre Bowl, where I have the same sort of emotions. I HATES me some Buckeyes, being a Big Blue fan, but they are representing the Big Ten. So I feel honor-bound to... arrrgh!... root for them. What to do, what to do?

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  4. The ribbing you get from your SEC friends is nothing compared to what you'll hear, for the rest of your life, from your Ducks friends. About how they one "the big one". Easy choice if I'm you. Go Tigers!

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  5. Moogie - buckeye popcorn tastes just like those stupid stickers that Duh Ohio State guys put on their helmets.

    Andy - "It won't even be close. It will be the worst BCS Championship game ever." Those aren't the words of a man who is really feeling torn.

    Buck - Duh Ohio State University pizzes me off almost as much as the Mallards. Can't see getting behind them except maybe to kick 'em in the buttocks.

    Staci - Lying, cheating, stealing, break all 10 commandments Ducks!

    Captain - That makes sense. But so does being an anti-SEC contrarian. Dunno yet where I'm going to end up on this one.

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  6. By way of clarification, when I say I'm "torn," I do not mean that I am conflicted about the stomp to come.

    It's just hard for me to wish any good success upon Auburn.

    My point is that it's a done deal. Up until a few weeks ago I thought that the speed of Oregon might take The Barn by surprise, and turn the game in to a track meet. But after watching the games on Satidy...nah...they'll smearilate 'em. Won't even be close.

    I may not even watch.

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  7. Auburn and Oregon end up in a can't break it, 10 hour marathon, scoreless tie and everyone just gives up and goes home. TCU wins big and is declared unanimous National Champion. Peasants and men with large hats and cow horns on their cadillacs rejoice! And there is much celebrating with malted hops beverages and swine flesh cooked with fire.

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  8. Yeah, Six...right. Obviously you haven't watched Auburn's (or even) Oregon's offenses play.

    Scoreless tie...I'll give ya' credit...that's the funniest thing I've read in a coon's age.

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  9. Oh dear Lord, Six. TCU can't be declared champion -- my son-in-law would be absolutely insuffereable.

    But, it won't come to that. Tigers eat ducks. So do Plainsmen. War Eagles probably do, too. Or at least they scavenge the cold, dead duck carcasses.

    And, they're from The SEC.

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  10. Inno, you have to admit, I was a HUGE Beaver homer the last week of your season, I wanted a legitimate team to play The Barn in the National Championship Game. That ain't Ducks.

    I have yet to figure out why they play the National Championship Game AFTER the World Championship Game Held Every Year in Atlanta. Any answers on that one?

    Buck, Michigan is playing my alma mater, We Suck, in the Saurian Bowl. The fact that Big Blue has fallen to the depths of playing the fifth place team in the SEC West that averages only 4.5 wins a season, is kinda funny.

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  11. Stick with your convictions. I can't stand the university of texas (to all good Aggies, it's t.u.). When they went to the Rose Bowl and won the national title, I couldn't root for them. "Anybody but t.u."

    Texas A&M may not always have the best football team, but when they beat texas, that's a great season. They beat 'em this year. Gig 'Em, Aggies.

    So hold fast to your hatred for the Dreaded Ducks, Apataphobia rules, no matter what the cost!

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  12. The fact that Big Blue has fallen to the depths of playing the fifth place team in the SEC West that averages only 4.5 wins a season, is kinda funny.

    And it makes Baby Jesus cry.

    Andy: I don't think Oregon-Auburn is gonna be QUITE the rout you predict. Time will tell, and don't forget time wounds all heels. Just sayin'.

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Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

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