A cabinet meeting. The usual cabinet heads, czars, and thugs notably absent. The pResident paces around the room restlessly.
[Obama, checking watch] "Dang it! Where is everybody!"
An unnamed person enters.
[unnamed person] "Sir, the entire government computer system has been compromised."
[unnamed person] "Yes. It seems the veep has been looking at smut on his PC and somehow a trojan got installed. It has worked its way through the entire network."
[Obama, into intercom] "Get Joe in here!"
[Biden] "Hey, boss! Whassup?"
[Obama] "I've just been informed that you've been looking at pornography on your official PC."
[Biden, nervously] "I, uh, uh, I... that can't be! I don't even own a pornograph!"
[unnamed person, to Biden] "Sir, your computer has been infected with a trojan horse, a kind of malware. It has compromised the entire network. That typically happens when people visit bad websites."
[Biden] "Oh, I remember now. The antivirus said it was trying to install a trojan. I clicked 'OK' cuz, ya know, when I need protection, Trojan, is, ya know, top shelf stuff. I didn't realize that was a bad thing."
[unnamed person, facepalm]
[Obama] "Anyway. Joe, I put you in charge of coming up with a comprehensive gun control policy. How is that coming along?"
Before Joe can answer, a disheveled Hillary enters.
[Hillary] "Sorry I'm late. Had a rough night."
[Obama, sarcastically] "Brain swelling up again? Losing your memory?"
[Hillary] "You're half right. As usual. See, I was doing tequila shots off the small of some co-ed's back. Then I hopped in my official State Department SUV and went for a spin. I saw some right-wing blogger in the crosswalk. I swerved to hit him, but lost control. I skidded into a fire hydrant and the airbag deployed. That's the last thing I remember before the alarm clock went off this morning."
[Obama] "So you probably have no idea what's going on in Algeria."
[Hillary] "Algeria bought Fat Albert's 'Current TV' network. That's about all I know about it."
[Obama] "That's what I thought, too. What about your discussions with world leaders about the global gun ban?"
[Hillary] "Ain't got around to it, yet."
Obama is growing visibly impatient...
[Biden] "So, I met with representatives from the NRA, concerned citizens, and other groups. We..."
Obama cuts him off and dials the phone.
[Obama, into phone] "Eric! You're late! We need to talk about guns."
[Holder, on other end of phone call, nervously] "I, uh, uh, I... No can do. I, uh, uh, I... I just washed my mustache and can't do a thing with it!"
[Obama] "I'm not talking about Fast and Furious. I'm talking about taking guns away from law abiding citizens."
[Holder] "Oh! In that case, I'll be right there! But first, I have to finish the second level of Angry Birds."
[Biden] "Ya know, boss, I think you should just introduce legislation that bans everything. Reid will get the Senate on board, and well, the Republicans in the house, well, they're just a bunch of cheese-cutting surrender monkeys. It'll pass."
[Obama] "Isn't that supposed to be 'cheese-eating surrender monkeys'?"
[Biden, to unnamed person] "I'll give ya one guess who in this room has never ridden in the elevator with John Boehner."
Unnamed person laughs.
[Obama, angrily] "You all are worthless. I'll handle this myself. I'll make a televised appearance, surrounded by innocent children, and make an appeal directly to the American people. My charm will win the day. Like it always does."