Operation Slow and Furious

More guilty than Denver the Dog

Ladies and gentlemen of the media, thank you for coming to this press conference.  First of all, it needs to be understood that I have the mental faculties of an amphibian.  More specifically, a green tree toad.  This level of acute stupidiosity more than meets both the legal and medical thresholds of a Disability.  It further needs to be understood that I am an American with a disability, and fall under the protection of the Americans with Disabilities Act.  This act makes it a crime to discriminate against those with disabilities, and requires that reasonable accommodations  be made for those with disabilities.

Congressman Issa and Senator Cornyn have not complied with the ADA.  They have violated my civil rights.  In a most discriminant manner, they have demanded that I produce thousands and thousands of documents.  Neither have they allowed for the reasonable accommodation I need: Time.  It must be understood that a person - who lacks the smarts of a salamander born with fetal alcohol syndrome - can't possibly oversee such a vast network of agencies and operations and also produce all these documents instantaneously.  I need time.  More specifically, I need until Wednesday, November 7.

Additionally, Congressman Issa and Senator Cornyn used that tone when addressing me.  It is self-evident that any person who would be snotty to a retard is a hate-filled hater.  This alone is enough to warrant a Hate Crimes investigation.  But also, because I hate them.  I will be issuing a warrant for their arrest later today.

And finally, as a person with a disability, I ask for the reasonable accommodation of a wheelchair ramp so I can get the wheelbarrow full of documents up to the industrial shredder.  Thank you.

UPDATE:  IMAO links!  Thanks! and now at The Big Feed, too!

Just don't look behind it

MichelleO is coming to town in a few days to give the OSU Commencement Speech.  (TelePrompter?)  While she's here, a piece of artwork is going to be presented to her as a gift.  I just finished engraving a brass plate to go on the frame of said artwork.  Who knows... maybe some of my handiwork will end up in the White House.  More likely a mini-storage unit in Chicago, but, hey, ya never know.

And yes, in case you're wondering, I did stick a booger behind the brass plate.

Resistance is futile?

I am Granddaughter 4 of 4.  Resistance is futile.  Your life, as it has been, is over.
For the next 17 years or so you will service me.

The person who dives on the grenade doesn't really want to dive on the grenade, but knows that not doing so would be even worse.  A couple days ago, I dove on the grenade and joined the (unwilling, but duty-bound) ranks of Grandparents Raising Grandkids.  Their mom is in rehab, their dad is in jail, and their grandpa ain't copin' so well with it so far...  Hopefully the parents can get their **** together and things can go back to "normal" someday. 

Anyway, I expect that time/opportunity/desire to post here will be much curtailed.  Adjust your clicks accordingly.