Thursday, April 19, 2012

Urgent Appeal from Bo the Dog

TO: anybody_that_can_help_me@gmail.com
FROM: bo@whitehouse.gov
SENT: April 19, 2012 (secure smtp port110 mailerdaemon)
SUBJECT: GET ME THE ARF OUTTA HERE!

OK. heerz the deel.  I barely know portugeez but it is hard what with that รง letter they uze all the time and the leading r that soundz like h so "rusty" sounds like "hoosty" and my engrish is bad two.  So please be understandful.  Also I am hiding in closet.  It is dark in heer and it is reely hard to use trackpad on this stupid MacBook Pro when one has hairy paws.

I dont dare to try uze desktop PC even tho mouse is eazier than trackpad for dog.  Because iff they find me I am toast.  Or maybe I will end up on toast.  So I hide in closet to send the pleading mail to you.  Barry said once he come out of closet he no go back in so I think safe here.  For now.

I may be not smart enuff for MENSA.  But I could do more better than that Gytner dork at Treasury.  I can add to and to and no that it equals for.  Barry say things like "this arugula is very good" and then he say "Bo, you are very good dog."  Barry say "Bobo, I love the way you wagyu tail" and then say "I love wagyu beef."  I can take a hint.  I know I soon end up BBQ.  I knead your helps.

To make me escape, I will need from you:
1.  2 k's of cocaine and some colombian hookers to distract secret service.  If colombian no available, Kardashian acceptable substitute.
2.  Plane ticket to someplace that no eat dogs.  Rooftop car carrier will work but prefer to fly.
3.  Green Card and cash to bribe that rotten illegal bastard Jaime the guatemalan who tend the white house garden.  He always yell at me for pooping in roses.  He will rat me out unless bribed.
4.  Fake ID to create new identity.  Available in tag form at most pet stores or engraving companies.

Please to hurry with this before next State Dinner if you know what I mean!!!1!


17 comments:

  1. Where.....oh where is Hollywood when you need them? Has no one thought of holding a benefit for this brave dog?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There comes a time when we heed a certain call
      When the blogosphere must come together as one
      There are doggies dying
      And its time to lend a hand to life
      The greatest gift of all

      We can't go on pretending day by day
      That barry don't suck, stupid hopenchange
      We all have dogs in our great big family
      And the truth, you know,
      Alpo is all we need

      [Chorus]
      We don't eat dogs, we don't eat children
      We are the ones who make a brighter day
      So lets start giving
      There's a choice we're making
      We're saving doggies' lives
      Its true we'll make a better day
      Just you and me

      Delete
    2. I insist on singing on this important single.

      Delete
  2. I feel Bo's terror.

    Stay safe, you poor persecuted flea-bag! Barack's appetite has to be slaked sometime...right?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dunno 'bout that. Skinny people like barry tend to have a metabolism like a hummingbird. Always hungry.

      Delete
  3. I have room for Bo but professional re-training and proper assimilation into civilized life will be required as I have never taken in such a mentally abused animal before.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep. Poor critter is the only dog in history that runs FROM the sound of a bag of chips being torn open.

      Delete
  4. Bo should widen his addressees beyond g-mail. Why didn't he cc hotmail and Yahoo!? The poor dog must be REALLY stressed. Just sayin'.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hairy paws, couldn't get the mouse to move over the cc: or bcc: buttons.

      Delete
  5. Ten bucks and two rivets.

    http://www.dogids.com/nameplates1.html

    Lift yourself up, Bo.
    .

    ReplyDelete
  6. There's a guy down around Corvallis used to do some engraving afore the crick rose. If I'm a dog and the choice is the roof of Mitt's car and the roof of Barry's mouth, I'm leaning toward Mitt.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anyone named after BO deserves a new identity, state dinner or not!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Bo, you poor little doggie, we will help you escape!

    I'm surprised you've survived this long, with that creepy foreign cannibal in your house.
    Poop in his crack pipe, that will confuse him.
    Stay safe, and if he calls you for dinner RUN AWAY! you'll be FOR DINNER!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Inno...Your first comment -you know, the song- didn't really rhyme.

    ReplyDelete
  10. You ought be able to help him out with the fake ID, huh, Inno? Keep one eye open, Bo!

    ReplyDelete

Family-friendly phrasing heartily encouraged.

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...