|Seriously, Bams - this is important!|
[Jarrett] "In the other room golfing with his Wii"
[Obama, in the distance] "Whee!"
[Axelrod, hushed tones] "OK then. Have you all been following the poll numbers?"
[Biden] "I usually use a 5-weight pole, but some people suggest a lower number for the kind of streams I like to fish in. I like the barbless hooks, too. They don't hurt my fingers as much."
[Axelrod] "Joe, Joe. Just shut up. I mean Bams' numbers are awful. We need to have an, an... intervention. We need to sit him down in here and make it clear that he's in deep trouble."
[Jarrett] "Try all you want, but he'll never believe you."
[Axelrod] "I know. But maybe he'll believe... us."
[Daley] "It's going to be hard."
[Axelrod] "But we have to at least try. We can't sit back and let the entire movement be derailed by his failures."
[Jarrett] "Alright. I'll call him in."
Valerie returns with the pResident.
[Obama, upbeat] "Hoo-wee! Can't wait to get back out there on my bus tour and embarrass the Republicans with the awesomeness of my Jobs Bill!"
[Axelrod] "Sir, I don't recommend that. The people hate your jobs bill. They're sick of Green Jobs and Green Shoots and Green with Envy towards the rich."
[Axelrod] "Hey, don't misunderstand! I'm not against any of these things!"
[Biden, Daley, Jarrett] "Neither are we!"
[Obama] "Then what's the problem?"
[Axelrod] "The people. They're stupid. They're not buying it."
[Obama] "Whaddwe need the people for, anyway?"
[Axelrod] "They're going to vote for a Republican if we don't get things straightened out!"
[Obama] "As if. They'll never vote for a Republican as long as I am the alternative. I am The One. I am Special."
[Axelrod] "They haven't yet built a short bus short enough to transport your kind of special."
[Biden] "I've done a lot of seat-time in the short bus, myself!"
[Obama, to Axelrod] "How dare you!"
[Axelrod] "Da**it! The people are sick of the high-rollin' too-cool-for-you kind of politics. That's what the #OWS people are upset about. It's what everybody is upset about. Trying to win on account of being cool this election cycle is like whizzing into a strong headwind. It'll fail miserably. It's why Cain is ahead of you in the latest poll! He seems like Joe Ordinary and people are liking it."
[Biden] "Cain? Don't be ridiculous. America is a bunch of racists. They'll never vote for a black guy!"
[All turn and stare at Joe for 1.33 seconds and then facepalm]
[Obama] "So, let's assume you're correct. Even though we know you're not. What would be the next step?"
[Axelrod] "You have to relate better to the ordinary American. Like how Bubba Clinton did with that 'I feel yer pain' schtick. You have to get down to their level. You have to make this sacrifice in order to win another term and complete the transformation of America."
[Obama, downtwinkles gesture] "Ick. Ick. Ick. Mingling with the proles - how distasteful. Next you'll be telling me I have to quit golfing and eating wagyu beef."
[Axelrod] "At least cut back. And maybe take up a more blue-collar pastime like, I dunno, bowling. Oh, wait..."
[Obama, petulant] "No! America will accept me the way I am. If I am too good for them, well, their loss!"
[Axelrod] "If you try to 'stay the course' of your failures, we, and all the progressive movement, will be in deep crapioca. It could lead to decades of conservative stewardship of this nation. Maybe even widespread prosperity and a new embrace of capitalism and self-reliance."
[Obama, arms crossed defiantly] "I. Don't. Care."
[Biden] "Mmmm... Crapioca!"
[Jarrett, under her breath] "I knew this would happen. We're screwed."
Meanwhile, far, far beneath Mt. Rushmore....
[Casey] "Romney is a RiNO licksphincter, Perry is shooting himself in the foot and then reloading and doing it again, and Cain has his foot in his mouth like it is a slice of pizza."
[all others, in agreement] "We need an intervention...."